Confidence is a Must

My entire life, I've had trouble with being confident outside of my group of close friends. Once I get to know people, I'm a very confident gal who can hold her own...but in new situations, I am the one waiting to be talked to, all awkward. I find this really funny since I've worked in retail for a good while.

Example of my awkwardness. My mother and sister LOVE to call me out on this too. When ordering food at a restaurant, I usually go last out of whoever I'm with, because I like to let the other people go first (and because sometimes I change my mind on what I want to eat after everyone else orders). When the waiter turns to me and looks at me and asks, "and for you?"I look at them and say "I'll have,"...then almost immediately stare down at the menu and read what I want. It's not because I have forgotten the name of what I want, it's because I am a very awkward person. I've been working on it for a while, haha.

I realized just how unconfident I am in myself on Tuesday when I was in my bible study fellowship group discussion. Each week, there is homework to be done for the lesson provided. During the discussion group, you go over the thoughts on the answers and such. I am an awesome homework answerer as in I write a lot, probably too much. But, when the leader asks if anyone found anything interesting, I keep quiet until she calls on me because no one else has answered. Then, I frantically look at the page and try to answer, like I don't know what I put.

I am always afraid of what others will think of my answers, but as I was doing the homework tonight, I realized, I shouldn't care what other people think. We're going over creation theories this week and I know what I believe and am allowed to have an opinion. I can also appreciate the opinions of others, without diminishing my own.

I admire confidence and others. I think it's a must have in interviews, on dates and especially when performing. I judge others for not being confident in themselves, so I should be confident, right?

Goal for October=be confident.

What makes you feel confident and not arrogant? There is a fine line, right? Thoughts? Go.

Old Friends, New Conversations

Last night, I went to Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) with my mom and my sister. We are studying Genesis for the entire school year. It's pretty cool, to me. The speaker was talking about crucial conversations that you will have in your life and how to deal with them. Now, the crucial conversation she was talking about was the conversation about creation. Everyone has their very opinionated views on how the Earth was created, but thankfully, that's not what I'm writing about today. Whew, move on.

But it did make me think of the other crucial conversations that will come up in the next few years and with various people. I think one of the biggest crucial conversations that will ever happen is the life story exchange between two people interested in dating/marrying each other. There is a really funny episode of How I Met Your Mother that I thought nailed this.

Baggage.

Everyone has some type of baggage going into a relationship. You never know when the right time is to share yours. All at once? Little by little? It's a conversation I've been afraid of my entire "dating" life. I was chatting with an old friend about this subject and he reminded me that when it's "the one" the baggage isn't going to break the relationship. I know that's an obvious answer, but...it doesn't click in your brain the first time you hear it.

Until I find Mr. Right, I'm going to keep on living as Emily. Yeah, I've got some baggage and some issues, but who doesn't? If people can't handle it, then, no big deal.

There is still not a perfect time in a dating period to have the crucial life story swap conversation, but, face it--it has to happen. Don't flip out about it. Be cool. Their biggest issue  may be that a girl broke his pencil in the fourth grade. No two people have the same issues. Work to understand instead of judge or be freaked out.