As you know, I posted earlier in the year that I was planning on switching universities and all that jazz because I hated UTSA and didn't want to graduate there, blah blah blah. Well, since then, I've been praying constantly about it and really thinking about what I want to do with my life. After posting about fear a couple weeks ago, I really started thinking... I don't really feel that passion to teach anymore and I know that for everyone it comes and goes, but I haven't felt it for a while. I also know that as much as I want to tackle Music Therapy, I should finish what I started at UTSA.
Finish. That's the scariest word ever. I'm more afraid of finishing a degree and having to be a grown up than switching universities and starting an entirely different program. I'm nervous about actually teaching in a classroom without being able to leave after about 2 hours as I did in observations. I'm terrified of the profession I chose back in 2008 due to all of the changes in the Education system here in Texas. I'm terrified that I won't be good at it when I actually am in the classroom. Learning to teach and teaching are two totally different things. I know it's silly to be afraid of something I've been trained to do for the last FIVE years, but I am terrified. I'm also terrified because of the stories I hear from current [music] teachers.
My mom called me out on it a few months ago. I got so defensive that I don't think we really talked for two days other than "hey", "thanks", "see ya later" and "night". I didn't want to admit that I was scared because I'm an independent girl who can conquer anything. Inside, I was shakin' in my boots. She was right. Mothers are always walkin' around just being right. Don't you hate that? You know they have the best intention when telling you what they think but you don't expect them to actually be right. She was right. I know she's reading this and chuckling, probably thinking, "when are you going to learn, I'm always right?" Love you, mother.
So, I have put the music therapy journey on hold and have decided to conquer what I started in 2008. I applied for Student Teaching and filled out all necessary paperwork. I attended the meeting, I've found dates for all of the tests I'll have to take and I have prepared myself mentally for the road I'm about to take. I'm scared--I admit it. I don't know if I'm more afraid that I don't know how it's going to go or whether or not the money put into college was worth it. I'm also terrified that there won't be many arts programs left after I graduate. Regardless, I'm finishing what I started and I'm proud of that choice. I'm scared (as I've said a million times) but I'm a strong woman who can conquer the world. I got this, right?
Commitment is doing what you said you would do long after the mood you said it in has left you.
Showing posts with label real women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real women. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Book Club?
I love to read. Plain and simple.
Ever since I was old enough to read, I've enjoyed it. When I was younger, we had a Sega Saturn-which was cool. My mom had a rule though-for every hour of playing, we had to read for an hour. And, you couldn't use a bank of hours, haha. For instance, if I read for 4 hours today, she wouldn't just let me play for 4 hours straight. Point being, reading was an incentive which then became a hobby.
Maybe the love of reading resulted from the fact that we only ever had a Sega Saturn and that after it broke, we didn't have another video gaming option. Anyway, you get the point that I just love to read.
In high school I kind of forgot about my love of reading since we were required to read a lot of books that I didn't necessarily care for. But, once I cracked open my copy of 1984 by George Orwell, I was hooked.
I had never really thought about a book club until recently. This is going to a be a total geek Sim moment, but, in the Sims you're character can sign up for a book club--they receive a book every Wednesday and there you go! But, not only did the Sims encourage me, my dad did. A couple of weeks ago, I drove to Big Spring and got to see my family. My dad sent me home with three books and said it was a really good series and I should read it. He then said something about him being in a book club and that it was the best way to get books cheaper.
Also, Pandora (which I listen to every morning when I'm getting ready) always shoots the ad out that says, "the best place to start a book club is with the book So You Want to Start a Book Club?" I've made the decision that I want to start a book club. I love to read and I love to talk about books--yes, I'm a nerd. I'm okay with that.
I'm excited about my idea and I'm not sure where it's going, but, I'm going to start a book club. Go me.
Ever since I was old enough to read, I've enjoyed it. When I was younger, we had a Sega Saturn-which was cool. My mom had a rule though-for every hour of playing, we had to read for an hour. And, you couldn't use a bank of hours, haha. For instance, if I read for 4 hours today, she wouldn't just let me play for 4 hours straight. Point being, reading was an incentive which then became a hobby.
Maybe the love of reading resulted from the fact that we only ever had a Sega Saturn and that after it broke, we didn't have another video gaming option. Anyway, you get the point that I just love to read.
In high school I kind of forgot about my love of reading since we were required to read a lot of books that I didn't necessarily care for. But, once I cracked open my copy of 1984 by George Orwell, I was hooked.
I had never really thought about a book club until recently. This is going to a be a total geek Sim moment, but, in the Sims you're character can sign up for a book club--they receive a book every Wednesday and there you go! But, not only did the Sims encourage me, my dad did. A couple of weeks ago, I drove to Big Spring and got to see my family. My dad sent me home with three books and said it was a really good series and I should read it. He then said something about him being in a book club and that it was the best way to get books cheaper.
Also, Pandora (which I listen to every morning when I'm getting ready) always shoots the ad out that says, "the best place to start a book club is with the book So You Want to Start a Book Club?" I've made the decision that I want to start a book club. I love to read and I love to talk about books--yes, I'm a nerd. I'm okay with that.
I'm excited about my idea and I'm not sure where it's going, but, I'm going to start a book club. Go me.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Marathon Madness
This past Sunday was the Rock n Roll Marathon in San Antonio. A few people I knew were running in the marathon, but I didn't realize how big of a deal this marathon was until I got to work. I am a receptionist at Massage Envy, so I'm pretty used to seeing runners come in and get a massage after a race. When I got to work, there were quite a few people who had just taken part in this marathon who had thought ahead and made an appointment to get a massage. Then, the phone was ringing constantly with people who were looking for any open appointments for the same issues. I also looked on twitter and a few of my friends posted pictures of just how many people were downtown for the marathon. Woah. I thought to myself, that would be cool to take part in such an event.
The next day, I was hanging out with my mom watching TV when we decided it was the perfect time of day to take our two dogs for a walk. We both could lose a few and my dog, Samantha, is an overweight beagle--so there would be no harm done to anyone involved. :) We went around the "big block" surrounding our neighborhood and it took us about an hour. We weren't walking very quickly and it wasn't aimed at being a "brisk walk", but we got in some walking. After we got home, my mom called me into her office and told me that next year, we will be participating in the Rock n Roll marathon. At first, I was like...are you crazy?! and then I took a minute and decided that was a really good goal for us to set.
We haven't yet decided whether we will be participating in the full or half marathon. We have an entire year to train...but at the same time, we've never competed in any kind of race (except my very little amount of time invested in track back in high school), so the half may be the better choice. So, when I make the choice, I will let you know.
I told one of my friends that I was considering doing it and he told me he'd train with me, so I was pretty excited. Then, when I came to work last night, a couple more of my coworkers said that they would also train with me. So, now that I had a good amount of accountability partners, I was stoked. I haven't yet decided which training plan that I will follow, but I'm researching it now. I'm trying to find friends who really enjoy running and who could give me good and helpful tips for training. I don't want to jump into a crazy running schedule if it isn't something that's attainable, you know? So, I need someone who will give honest advice to me.
I've decided that no matter which I decide to do, half or full, that it is a commitment that I must stick with. Commitment means doing what you said you would do, long after the mood you said it in has left you. I'm hoping that since I've found a few good friends to do this with, that we can hold each other accountable.
So, for now, I'm simply researching training schedules. I'm pretty sure (since it only take 18-20 weeks to really train) I will start training to do the training schedule to then prepare me for the marathon, haha. Couch to marathon style! I am going on Friday to buy some running shoes. I am hoping that if I buy those shoes, that I will remind myself that it's worth it. Wish me luck! Feel free to check in on me and see how I'm doing. I will post about my progress. I'm excited. Nervous. But, excited.
The next day, I was hanging out with my mom watching TV when we decided it was the perfect time of day to take our two dogs for a walk. We both could lose a few and my dog, Samantha, is an overweight beagle--so there would be no harm done to anyone involved. :) We went around the "big block" surrounding our neighborhood and it took us about an hour. We weren't walking very quickly and it wasn't aimed at being a "brisk walk", but we got in some walking. After we got home, my mom called me into her office and told me that next year, we will be participating in the Rock n Roll marathon. At first, I was like...are you crazy?! and then I took a minute and decided that was a really good goal for us to set.
We haven't yet decided whether we will be participating in the full or half marathon. We have an entire year to train...but at the same time, we've never competed in any kind of race (except my very little amount of time invested in track back in high school), so the half may be the better choice. So, when I make the choice, I will let you know.
I told one of my friends that I was considering doing it and he told me he'd train with me, so I was pretty excited. Then, when I came to work last night, a couple more of my coworkers said that they would also train with me. So, now that I had a good amount of accountability partners, I was stoked. I haven't yet decided which training plan that I will follow, but I'm researching it now. I'm trying to find friends who really enjoy running and who could give me good and helpful tips for training. I don't want to jump into a crazy running schedule if it isn't something that's attainable, you know? So, I need someone who will give honest advice to me.
I've decided that no matter which I decide to do, half or full, that it is a commitment that I must stick with. Commitment means doing what you said you would do, long after the mood you said it in has left you. I'm hoping that since I've found a few good friends to do this with, that we can hold each other accountable.
So, for now, I'm simply researching training schedules. I'm pretty sure (since it only take 18-20 weeks to really train) I will start training to do the training schedule to then prepare me for the marathon, haha. Couch to marathon style! I am going on Friday to buy some running shoes. I am hoping that if I buy those shoes, that I will remind myself that it's worth it. Wish me luck! Feel free to check in on me and see how I'm doing. I will post about my progress. I'm excited. Nervous. But, excited.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
One Day in the Dillard's Parking Lot...
Last week, I went to church for the first time in a long while. I couldn't put off going to church one more week. So, since it was daylight savings and all, I went to bed early and got up to go to the early bird service! I was pretty proud of myself.
Once I got to church, I sat about midway back. The music started to play and I was having a good time. Then, of course, the awkward church meet and greet took place. I'm already an awkward person so this made it much more awkward for me. I was ready to sit down and take notes! I did just that.
Although I believe that mission work is really important, I don't think we must go to a foreign place to do mission work. San Antonio has plenty of people to reach in the midst of our daily routines. Our purpose on earth is to do God's work in all that we do. The pastor kept asking, "what's your story?" It made me really think back to when I accepted Christ and how it happened. He also asked where we could share our stories. He wanted each of us to turn to our neighbor and tell them where our one place we knew we could share our story was...I just drew a blank. I sat there trying to figure out a place to say, but couldn't think of anything. Thankfully, no one turned to me.
Later that week, I was sitting at work (I'm a receptionist at a massage clinic) talking to a few coworkers and my story came up. I couldn't help but smile because obviously, God knew where I would be able to share my story. This is my story:
When I was a little girl, my grandparents would pick me up on the weekends and take me to church on Sundays with them. They lived 30 minutes away from my house in a small town with an even smaller baptist church. I went to Vacation Bible School every summer and loved going to church. When I was eight years old, I remember I stayed with my grandparents the entire week so I wouldn't miss VBS. Each night at worship, they'd have their invitation, but I just thought deciding that Jesus was my lord and savior would be something I'd have to ask my mother for permission for. So, I left VBS a non Christian. A short time after VBS had ended, my grandparents were going to take me home, but had to stop at the mall first, so Grandma could buy something at Dillard's.
It was pouring down rain, so Paw-Paw dropped her off at the door and we drove around and parked. He asked me what I thought of VBS. I remember telling him I thought VBS was really cool and that Jesus seemed like a cool guy. He told me more about Jesus while we waited for Grandma. I was so intrigued and so excited to hear more about him that I couldn't stop listening. When he asked me if I wanted to accept Jesus as my lord and savior, I told him I had to ask mom first. He assured me, she would be joyous about my decision. I decided he was probably right and I prayed the prayer right there with my Paw Paw while it was pouring down rain in the Dillard's parking lot.
That story seems silly, but it means so much to me. My paw-paw also had the chance to baptize me in our small baptist church, which is a really cool memory. He has been with me on this journey of faith since the beginning and to me, that's priceless. He shared his story with me 14 years ago that led me to make the best decision I've ever made. Woah.
It really made me proud to tell my story this week. I have many more stories of how my relationship with God and my faith in God have taken me to where I am today that I'm eager to share. I'm proud to be a child of God and a follower of Christ.
And if our God is for us,
then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us,
then what could stand against?
Once I got to church, I sat about midway back. The music started to play and I was having a good time. Then, of course, the awkward church meet and greet took place. I'm already an awkward person so this made it much more awkward for me. I was ready to sit down and take notes! I did just that.
Although I believe that mission work is really important, I don't think we must go to a foreign place to do mission work. San Antonio has plenty of people to reach in the midst of our daily routines. Our purpose on earth is to do God's work in all that we do. The pastor kept asking, "what's your story?" It made me really think back to when I accepted Christ and how it happened. He also asked where we could share our stories. He wanted each of us to turn to our neighbor and tell them where our one place we knew we could share our story was...I just drew a blank. I sat there trying to figure out a place to say, but couldn't think of anything. Thankfully, no one turned to me.
Later that week, I was sitting at work (I'm a receptionist at a massage clinic) talking to a few coworkers and my story came up. I couldn't help but smile because obviously, God knew where I would be able to share my story. This is my story:
When I was a little girl, my grandparents would pick me up on the weekends and take me to church on Sundays with them. They lived 30 minutes away from my house in a small town with an even smaller baptist church. I went to Vacation Bible School every summer and loved going to church. When I was eight years old, I remember I stayed with my grandparents the entire week so I wouldn't miss VBS. Each night at worship, they'd have their invitation, but I just thought deciding that Jesus was my lord and savior would be something I'd have to ask my mother for permission for. So, I left VBS a non Christian. A short time after VBS had ended, my grandparents were going to take me home, but had to stop at the mall first, so Grandma could buy something at Dillard's.
It was pouring down rain, so Paw-Paw dropped her off at the door and we drove around and parked. He asked me what I thought of VBS. I remember telling him I thought VBS was really cool and that Jesus seemed like a cool guy. He told me more about Jesus while we waited for Grandma. I was so intrigued and so excited to hear more about him that I couldn't stop listening. When he asked me if I wanted to accept Jesus as my lord and savior, I told him I had to ask mom first. He assured me, she would be joyous about my decision. I decided he was probably right and I prayed the prayer right there with my Paw Paw while it was pouring down rain in the Dillard's parking lot.
That story seems silly, but it means so much to me. My paw-paw also had the chance to baptize me in our small baptist church, which is a really cool memory. He has been with me on this journey of faith since the beginning and to me, that's priceless. He shared his story with me 14 years ago that led me to make the best decision I've ever made. Woah.
It really made me proud to tell my story this week. I have many more stories of how my relationship with God and my faith in God have taken me to where I am today that I'm eager to share. I'm proud to be a child of God and a follower of Christ.
And if our God is for us,
then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us,
then what could stand against?
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
End of the Year Business
Tomorrow is Halloween.
Once Halloween hits, the rest of the year flies by so very quickly.
23 days until Thanksgiving.
43 days until my 23rd Birthday.
54 days until my best friend comes home!!
56 days until Christmas.
Woah. 2013, here we come.
Although Easter is my favorite holiday, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom's entire immediate family lives within thirty minutes of me, so I see them quite frequently, but it's so wonderful to have all of us together to EAT and enjoy each other's presence. (That was an extremely long sentence with way too many commas)
Every person makes their "signature dish" and there is an overload of food. Can I tell you just how excited I am to make green bean casserole, pink stuff AND apple pie? Also, my mother makes THE BEST mashed potatoes and deviled eggs. Be jealous. I would be if I had to miss out on all that awesomeness.
This post is not supposed to be about food, but I'm now craving Thanksgiving food.
Anyhow.
The reason I really love Thanksgiving is because it's the time of year when everyone gets sentimental and remembers what they're thankful for. Although we are able to be thankful year round, we use the one day of the year to really be thankful. It brings people back together and relationships are mended. I love it mostly for the fellowship with family and the annual Cowboys football game. I don't care if you're a fan of the Cowboys, just know that I am. I don't care if they lose more than they win--when you're a fan- it means through the good AND the bad.
My 23rd birthday. I feel like after you turn 21 and until you turn 30, you're kind of just acknowledging your birthdays rather than celebrating them. It's not a "milestone" so why get all excited?
My favorite part about birthdays is that my mother (who is my biggest fan) leaves me an opera style happy birthday message on my cell EVERY year. It started when I was a Freshman in college because I had to sing classically in school as a requirement and she found that humorous--therefore mocking me. That very first message became so popular that she does it for me every year. I know not to answer my phone on my birthday, because she cannot sing it if it's not a voicemail--she'll laugh too hard. It's the little things that make it worth while!
I share the same birthday as Frank Sinatra. I would like to attribute my talent to him--so thanks Mr. Oh-so-wonderful-jazz-musician. :)
The only not-so-great thing about my birthday being 13 days before Christmas is that when people give me gifts, they're combined with Christmas presents. (that sounds incredibly selfish, but it used to be a big deal). My sister has a birthday in September...I don't give her a joint present because that's just dumb. I never got a pool party, so give me a present for both, even if it's just a pencil. Something to acknowledge that I was born the same month as Jesus Christ. :-)
I'm really not that greedy, haha. Take that as you will.
Kathryn comes home in 54 days. That may seem creepy that I'm counting the days, but you don't understand. I saw Kathryn on a very frequent basis and these last three months have been incredibly difficult without her. I remember when she dropped me off at the airport and I was about to go to my gate and I lost it. I know I can call her any time and she'll be back and I can visit..but, it's not the same. I drive by her old subdivision and I almost always break down crying. She's my person. Boyfriends can come and go and normal friends are nice, but she's the one person I know I can tell everything to and she still wants to be around. When she comes back, we're going to see Les Miz!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO. Sorry, I'm really excited.
We always give each other the funniest gifts at Christmas. She knows I love Jesus, so she always buys me "Christian gifts" and is so proud when I love them. I always get her something with penguins, because she is obsessed with them. I wish I could give her tabogganning lessons for Christmas this year. Needless to say, I'm extremely excited for her to come home for like a week. :D
That brings us to my second favorite holiday. CHRISTMAS!
This holiday is very sentimental for me. I love church. It doesn't matter which church I go to for the annual Christmas Eve service, it's the fact that I can go anywhere and the same message is being preached. I love hearing about the birth of Christ, it's a beautiful story. I cry every time I hear it.
Also, every Christmas Eve, my mom, my sister and her husband (now my nephew :D) go to my house and open ONE present before bed. It's one of those traditions that you don't really know why you do it, but would be sad if you didn't. When we were kids, we could only pick the smallest present. Now, it doesn't matter because we're adults.
My favorite thing about Christmas (other than Jesus being born) is that feeling when you wake up and you rush out of bed and you're thinking "Oh my gosh, it's Christmas!"
I think of the scene from the original Yours, Mine and Ours when Philip runs through the house yelling "Santa Claus's been here." It's just exciting.
Even when Christmas isn't as "big" as normal, my family has a way of just being together and that being enough. That's my greatest joy.
Family.
People must think I'm strange. I see my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) more than twice a year. More like a million times a year. I can't even begin to think of how awful it would be to have to live more than thirty minutes away to see someone I love. I know people do it all the time and all, but, I love my family. When I was growing up and my single mother worked all the time to provide, the family just kind of came together and took care of us. It's not because they had to, it's because we're family, it's a natural reflex.
I'm so excited for the next couple of months because I get to see my entire family all together. I have incredibly blessed with the family I was given.
Even though I've faced many terrible experiences, the love of my family and of my God keeps me going constantly. I was given a perfect picture of love. We as a family are not perfect, but the imperfections make my life as close as it could be.
Let's end this year on a good note y'all :D
Get ready for the Christmas decorations and crazy shoppers...AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE RADIO!!
Once Halloween hits, the rest of the year flies by so very quickly.
23 days until Thanksgiving.
43 days until my 23rd Birthday.
54 days until my best friend comes home!!
56 days until Christmas.
Woah. 2013, here we come.
Although Easter is my favorite holiday, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom's entire immediate family lives within thirty minutes of me, so I see them quite frequently, but it's so wonderful to have all of us together to EAT and enjoy each other's presence. (That was an extremely long sentence with way too many commas)
Every person makes their "signature dish" and there is an overload of food. Can I tell you just how excited I am to make green bean casserole, pink stuff AND apple pie? Also, my mother makes THE BEST mashed potatoes and deviled eggs. Be jealous. I would be if I had to miss out on all that awesomeness.
This post is not supposed to be about food, but I'm now craving Thanksgiving food.
Anyhow.
The reason I really love Thanksgiving is because it's the time of year when everyone gets sentimental and remembers what they're thankful for. Although we are able to be thankful year round, we use the one day of the year to really be thankful. It brings people back together and relationships are mended. I love it mostly for the fellowship with family and the annual Cowboys football game. I don't care if you're a fan of the Cowboys, just know that I am. I don't care if they lose more than they win--when you're a fan- it means through the good AND the bad.
My 23rd birthday. I feel like after you turn 21 and until you turn 30, you're kind of just acknowledging your birthdays rather than celebrating them. It's not a "milestone" so why get all excited?
My favorite part about birthdays is that my mother (who is my biggest fan) leaves me an opera style happy birthday message on my cell EVERY year. It started when I was a Freshman in college because I had to sing classically in school as a requirement and she found that humorous--therefore mocking me. That very first message became so popular that she does it for me every year. I know not to answer my phone on my birthday, because she cannot sing it if it's not a voicemail--she'll laugh too hard. It's the little things that make it worth while!
I share the same birthday as Frank Sinatra. I would like to attribute my talent to him--so thanks Mr. Oh-so-wonderful-jazz-musician. :)
The only not-so-great thing about my birthday being 13 days before Christmas is that when people give me gifts, they're combined with Christmas presents. (that sounds incredibly selfish, but it used to be a big deal). My sister has a birthday in September...I don't give her a joint present because that's just dumb. I never got a pool party, so give me a present for both, even if it's just a pencil. Something to acknowledge that I was born the same month as Jesus Christ. :-)
I'm really not that greedy, haha. Take that as you will.
Kathryn comes home in 54 days. That may seem creepy that I'm counting the days, but you don't understand. I saw Kathryn on a very frequent basis and these last three months have been incredibly difficult without her. I remember when she dropped me off at the airport and I was about to go to my gate and I lost it. I know I can call her any time and she'll be back and I can visit..but, it's not the same. I drive by her old subdivision and I almost always break down crying. She's my person. Boyfriends can come and go and normal friends are nice, but she's the one person I know I can tell everything to and she still wants to be around. When she comes back, we're going to see Les Miz!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO. Sorry, I'm really excited.
We always give each other the funniest gifts at Christmas. She knows I love Jesus, so she always buys me "Christian gifts" and is so proud when I love them. I always get her something with penguins, because she is obsessed with them. I wish I could give her tabogganning lessons for Christmas this year. Needless to say, I'm extremely excited for her to come home for like a week. :D
That brings us to my second favorite holiday. CHRISTMAS!
This holiday is very sentimental for me. I love church. It doesn't matter which church I go to for the annual Christmas Eve service, it's the fact that I can go anywhere and the same message is being preached. I love hearing about the birth of Christ, it's a beautiful story. I cry every time I hear it.
Also, every Christmas Eve, my mom, my sister and her husband (now my nephew :D) go to my house and open ONE present before bed. It's one of those traditions that you don't really know why you do it, but would be sad if you didn't. When we were kids, we could only pick the smallest present. Now, it doesn't matter because we're adults.
My favorite thing about Christmas (other than Jesus being born) is that feeling when you wake up and you rush out of bed and you're thinking "Oh my gosh, it's Christmas!"
I think of the scene from the original Yours, Mine and Ours when Philip runs through the house yelling "Santa Claus's been here." It's just exciting.
Even when Christmas isn't as "big" as normal, my family has a way of just being together and that being enough. That's my greatest joy.
Family.
People must think I'm strange. I see my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) more than twice a year. More like a million times a year. I can't even begin to think of how awful it would be to have to live more than thirty minutes away to see someone I love. I know people do it all the time and all, but, I love my family. When I was growing up and my single mother worked all the time to provide, the family just kind of came together and took care of us. It's not because they had to, it's because we're family, it's a natural reflex.
I'm so excited for the next couple of months because I get to see my entire family all together. I have incredibly blessed with the family I was given.
Even though I've faced many terrible experiences, the love of my family and of my God keeps me going constantly. I was given a perfect picture of love. We as a family are not perfect, but the imperfections make my life as close as it could be.
Let's end this year on a good note y'all :D
Get ready for the Christmas decorations and crazy shoppers...AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE RADIO!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Cancer
In the last year, too many people that I love have passed due to cancer. In September alone, I lost two very dear family members because of this disease. Cancer is everywhere and it is striking whoever and wherever it wants. To say that I'm frustrated is an understatement.
On November 5th, we will be remembering a beloved man, Randy Clinton. He was such a blessing to me and my family. He was only in my life for ten years, but for those ten years, memories were created that I will never forget. From the bright yellow shirt that he wore to his bug eyed face that he made, he will never be forgotten. One post in my blog is not enough to contribute to this man. His love for life and for people, but mostly for God was incredibly inspiring. The way he loved me even though I wasn't his own gave me hope. I was a witness of what a real man, a good man, was. I miss something different about him almost every day, but I feel him in my heart.
One thing that Randy said during his battle with cancer was that if God's purpose for his life had already been fulfilled, then he was ready to be with God-to go home. That's something I have not yet been able to grasp. It makes sense, of course, but I'm a selfish woman. I don't like letting go, I don't like saying goodbye. I hate the fact that I put up so much resistance when he started dating my mother. I hate the fact that it took me so long to see how good of a man he really was. I love the fact that he never stopped caring about me or loving me, even when I didn't want it, when I was trying to be a hardass.
I had never seen my mother happier, even when they were irritated with each other, it was always better than the memories of her without Randy. He brought out the best in her, and the most humorous version of her. She became a different person to me. I was finally able to really see the blessings bestowed upon me. For once in my life, she finally got to be just the mother, not the father too. I remember the day they got married--it was a very scary day for me. I grew up without a father figure, really, and I didn't want to admit that I needed one. We were always giving each other a hard time, but, he was everything I never had but always wanted. What I always needed.
It's a weird feeling to think he's been gone for an entire year. I can't wait until we meet again.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover
We've all heard this a million times, "It's not what's on the outside that matters." I've never truly paid attention to that phrase until recently. Sure, we all do it. We people watch. Why else do you think People of Walmart is such a great success? Instant judgement at the ready. I had gotten into the habit of simply looking at other people and ruling them out as ugly, losers, too pretty, d-bag, etc.
It's a terrible habit. But, we all do it.
Whether or not you're aware of it, you judge people the instant you see them.
Why?
We are insecure about ourselves.
BINGO.
I went out with a few people last night and I really realized how often I make assumptions about people--their motives, looks, attitudes, etc. I took a step back and decided to really try not to assume things about other people. I took myself out of the driver's seat, I gave up my control. It was awesome. When you let your guard down, you really do benefit, for the most part. You allow other people to get to know you and it's a beautiful thing. That sounds really corny, but, life is too short to have a personal vendetta against the world.
A friend of mine sent me a text that I really needed to read:
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."
It's a terrible habit. But, we all do it.
Whether or not you're aware of it, you judge people the instant you see them.
Why?
We are insecure about ourselves.
BINGO.
I went out with a few people last night and I really realized how often I make assumptions about people--their motives, looks, attitudes, etc. I took a step back and decided to really try not to assume things about other people. I took myself out of the driver's seat, I gave up my control. It was awesome. When you let your guard down, you really do benefit, for the most part. You allow other people to get to know you and it's a beautiful thing. That sounds really corny, but, life is too short to have a personal vendetta against the world.
A friend of mine sent me a text that I really needed to read:
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."
Woah. Those are the most powerful words I've heard in a long time. I get angry because I have never received apologies for what people have said or done to hurt me, but I'm not hurting them by holding a grudge, I'm hurting myself. It's not an easy thing to just get over those things, but, it's okay to be down in the slumps sometimes, rather than just being angry all the time.
Like I've said many times before, no one is perfect. That's a really hard concept to grasp. When you look in the mirror and critique yourself, hatred comes out in its purest form. It's easy to pull yourself apart. But, when others complain that their clothes are too tight, you pull ever beautiful compliment you can muster up from the depth of your heart. Why is it so much easier to compliment others, when you deserve the compliments as well?
I have a goal on my 101/1001 list to make a list of 20 things I like about myself and post them on my mirror so I can see them every day when getting ready. I'm addicted to colorful pens and sticky notes, so I'm going to attack that task tomorrow. Maybe, if you read and repeat something every day, you'll really start believing it. I will let you know how that works out for me!
The risk of letting your guard down is worth it for the few good outcomes that may happen. If you get knocked down, just get back up again.
It's worth making mistakes to better your life. Mistakes only happen once, if they happen frequently, they're choices. You know what is good for you and what is not good for you. You can't control everything. So, let someone else take control/lead for a change.
Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.
So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/pink-perfect-lyrics.html ]
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.
So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/pink-perfect-lyrics.html ]
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Confidence is a Must
My entire life, I've had trouble with being confident outside of my group of close friends. Once I get to know people, I'm a very confident gal who can hold her own...but in new situations, I am the one waiting to be talked to, all awkward. I find this really funny since I've worked in retail for a good while.
Example of my awkwardness. My mother and sister LOVE to call me out on this too. When ordering food at a restaurant, I usually go last out of whoever I'm with, because I like to let the other people go first (and because sometimes I change my mind on what I want to eat after everyone else orders). When the waiter turns to me and looks at me and asks, "and for you?"I look at them and say "I'll have,"...then almost immediately stare down at the menu and read what I want. It's not because I have forgotten the name of what I want, it's because I am a very awkward person. I've been working on it for a while, haha.
I realized just how unconfident I am in myself on Tuesday when I was in my bible study fellowship group discussion. Each week, there is homework to be done for the lesson provided. During the discussion group, you go over the thoughts on the answers and such. I am an awesome homework answerer as in I write a lot, probably too much. But, when the leader asks if anyone found anything interesting, I keep quiet until she calls on me because no one else has answered. Then, I frantically look at the page and try to answer, like I don't know what I put.
I am always afraid of what others will think of my answers, but as I was doing the homework tonight, I realized, I shouldn't care what other people think. We're going over creation theories this week and I know what I believe and am allowed to have an opinion. I can also appreciate the opinions of others, without diminishing my own.
I admire confidence and others. I think it's a must have in interviews, on dates and especially when performing. I judge others for not being confident in themselves, so I should be confident, right?
Goal for October=be confident.
What makes you feel confident and not arrogant? There is a fine line, right? Thoughts? Go.
Example of my awkwardness. My mother and sister LOVE to call me out on this too. When ordering food at a restaurant, I usually go last out of whoever I'm with, because I like to let the other people go first (and because sometimes I change my mind on what I want to eat after everyone else orders). When the waiter turns to me and looks at me and asks, "and for you?"I look at them and say "I'll have,"...then almost immediately stare down at the menu and read what I want. It's not because I have forgotten the name of what I want, it's because I am a very awkward person. I've been working on it for a while, haha.
I realized just how unconfident I am in myself on Tuesday when I was in my bible study fellowship group discussion. Each week, there is homework to be done for the lesson provided. During the discussion group, you go over the thoughts on the answers and such. I am an awesome homework answerer as in I write a lot, probably too much. But, when the leader asks if anyone found anything interesting, I keep quiet until she calls on me because no one else has answered. Then, I frantically look at the page and try to answer, like I don't know what I put.
I am always afraid of what others will think of my answers, but as I was doing the homework tonight, I realized, I shouldn't care what other people think. We're going over creation theories this week and I know what I believe and am allowed to have an opinion. I can also appreciate the opinions of others, without diminishing my own.
I admire confidence and others. I think it's a must have in interviews, on dates and especially when performing. I judge others for not being confident in themselves, so I should be confident, right?
Goal for October=be confident.
What makes you feel confident and not arrogant? There is a fine line, right? Thoughts? Go.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Old Friends, New Conversations
Last night, I went to Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) with my mom and my sister. We are studying Genesis for the entire school year. It's pretty cool, to me. The speaker was talking about crucial conversations that you will have in your life and how to deal with them. Now, the crucial conversation she was talking about was the conversation about creation. Everyone has their very opinionated views on how the Earth was created, but thankfully, that's not what I'm writing about today. Whew, move on.
But it did make me think of the other crucial conversations that will come up in the next few years and with various people. I think one of the biggest crucial conversations that will ever happen is the life story exchange between two people interested in dating/marrying each other. There is a really funny episode of How I Met Your Mother that I thought nailed this.
Baggage.
Everyone has some type of baggage going into a relationship. You never know when the right time is to share yours. All at once? Little by little? It's a conversation I've been afraid of my entire "dating" life. I was chatting with an old friend about this subject and he reminded me that when it's "the one" the baggage isn't going to break the relationship. I know that's an obvious answer, but...it doesn't click in your brain the first time you hear it.
Until I find Mr. Right, I'm going to keep on living as Emily. Yeah, I've got some baggage and some issues, but who doesn't? If people can't handle it, then, no big deal.
There is still not a perfect time in a dating period to have the crucial life story swap conversation, but, face it--it has to happen. Don't flip out about it. Be cool. Their biggest issue may be that a girl broke his pencil in the fourth grade. No two people have the same issues. Work to understand instead of judge or be freaked out.
But it did make me think of the other crucial conversations that will come up in the next few years and with various people. I think one of the biggest crucial conversations that will ever happen is the life story exchange between two people interested in dating/marrying each other. There is a really funny episode of How I Met Your Mother that I thought nailed this.
Baggage.
Everyone has some type of baggage going into a relationship. You never know when the right time is to share yours. All at once? Little by little? It's a conversation I've been afraid of my entire "dating" life. I was chatting with an old friend about this subject and he reminded me that when it's "the one" the baggage isn't going to break the relationship. I know that's an obvious answer, but...it doesn't click in your brain the first time you hear it.
Until I find Mr. Right, I'm going to keep on living as Emily. Yeah, I've got some baggage and some issues, but who doesn't? If people can't handle it, then, no big deal.
There is still not a perfect time in a dating period to have the crucial life story swap conversation, but, face it--it has to happen. Don't flip out about it. Be cool. Their biggest issue may be that a girl broke his pencil in the fourth grade. No two people have the same issues. Work to understand instead of judge or be freaked out.
Cinnamon and Nutmeg Facial Mask
I made a friend of mine laugh the other day, showing her my previous post where I did that dumbest gelatin/milk facial ever created. My facial expressions were extremely entertaining apparently. So, I realized I needed to do a facial for the month of September and I decided to use the second simplest recipe--cinnamon and nutmeg. It has three ingredients and won't rip every layer of skin off of my face. Good deal.
Cinnamon and Nutmeg Facial Mask
- 2 Tablespoons of Honey
- 1 teaspoon of Cinnamon
- 1 teaspoon of Nutmeg
- Mix ingredients
- Apply to face
- Let sit for 30 minutes
- Wash with warm water while lightly scrubbing in circular motions
- ****This will make a milk chocolate colored mask, so beware for the dark brown on your face!
It doesn't take long to make and it is super easy to apply. This facial mask is for oily skin and is an exfoliating genius--you can feel that grainy texture as you're applying. A big plus is that it smells delicious! You do have to let it sit for 30 minutes, but that's alright.
I'm doing this facial at 12:15 AM because I don't want to scare my mother with this brown mask on my face...but I'm sharing it with the internet so I guess the time doesn't really matter! This is clearly not a way to score a date.
I'm trying to make you laugh in these next photos, so let loose, laugh.
About halfway through it "sitting," part of it started dripping so I really felt like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire, haha. But the good thing is, although I wouldn't want this as a dessert or anything, it is edible. It doesn't harden on your face, so it's easy to wash off. I vote yes for doing this one again!
Okay, so it's been thirty minutes and I washed off my mask successfully! It did "burn" a little bit because I was exfoliating my skin, but it came off very easily and then I put some moisturizer on and BAM! This facial was much more successful than the skin ripper last month. This is a face of a happy girl!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Real Women
I've been thinking on what to blog about for the last couple of days and I have been struck with lame ideas and who knows, this post may just be a fluke, but here we are. I was at Target today waiting for Amanda and Chris to pick me up (we were meeting there so that we could go to the family reunion together). I looked in the movie section to see if there were any movies I just had to have...and there were. They had a really good deal today, I bought six movies (good ones) for $30. I bought Step Mom, Twister (the one that has made me afraid of all storms), Miss Congeniality, Hope Floats, Walk the Line and The Other Woman. I had never seen the Other Woman and Natalie Portman was in it, so I decided to get it. I figured, if I didn't like it, I would send it to Kathryn since she loves Natalie Portman.
Tonight, I popped it into my DVD player and decided to give it a shot. It was such a great movie. In no way am I condoning cheating by any means, but it was such a different type of movie, but so good. Real. Not that "the other woman" should really matter right? I don't think that's true. She's still a person. Yes, she shouldn't have slept with your guy, but she did and this movie is about what happens after. Every woman wishes that the other woman would be unhappy, but, it's not like once they get married that they're going to live happily ever after anyway. It was hard to watch because it was so raw and so real.
It made me think, real women have issues. No real woman is perfect, ever. Sorry guys, that's the truth of the matter. I'm not saying that cheating is right, because I despise cheaters, but, we cannot judge others for sinning differently than we do. My mom shared that with me one night and it struck deep. Just a thought. It really made me stop and think about how I judge others and why--because they do things that I think are wrong. BAM.
Back to women. We're not perfect.
Take me, for example. I have had a very interesting life that has molded me shaped me into the woman I am today. My mom and dad divorced when I was a kid and then both of my parents remarried. I didn't have a relationship with my father, really, until I was 20 years old. I grew up in a single parent home until I was 16. I didn't have fancy clothes and I didn't go to church every Sunday. I had some really rough relationships and not so good friendships throughout high school. I have trust issues and can't make eye contact with very many people. I'm weird. Not perfect. All of my close friends have told me that I have such a kind heart and am a beautiful girl. Why is it so hard to believe people when they tell you those things? Because you don't believe it. Women are their own worst critics.
Period. End of story.
Who wants to be perfect? Everyone. Why? I have no idea, because, perfect is pretty boring, if you ask me. That's why we spend our entire lives striving to be perfect, because it isn't attainable. Jesus is the only perfect thing that has ever walked the earth. Everyone can always work on who they are and strive to be a better person, but until you realize no one can be perfect, you'll kill yourself trying.
I'm a real woman who has issues. Yes, they are a work in progress, every day of my life, but I'm a real woman. The world can just get over it and move on.
Don't judge others because they sin differently than you. Best advice I've ever heard.
Here's to being real.
Tonight, I popped it into my DVD player and decided to give it a shot. It was such a great movie. In no way am I condoning cheating by any means, but it was such a different type of movie, but so good. Real. Not that "the other woman" should really matter right? I don't think that's true. She's still a person. Yes, she shouldn't have slept with your guy, but she did and this movie is about what happens after. Every woman wishes that the other woman would be unhappy, but, it's not like once they get married that they're going to live happily ever after anyway. It was hard to watch because it was so raw and so real.
It made me think, real women have issues. No real woman is perfect, ever. Sorry guys, that's the truth of the matter. I'm not saying that cheating is right, because I despise cheaters, but, we cannot judge others for sinning differently than we do. My mom shared that with me one night and it struck deep. Just a thought. It really made me stop and think about how I judge others and why--because they do things that I think are wrong. BAM.
Back to women. We're not perfect.
Take me, for example. I have had a very interesting life that has molded me shaped me into the woman I am today. My mom and dad divorced when I was a kid and then both of my parents remarried. I didn't have a relationship with my father, really, until I was 20 years old. I grew up in a single parent home until I was 16. I didn't have fancy clothes and I didn't go to church every Sunday. I had some really rough relationships and not so good friendships throughout high school. I have trust issues and can't make eye contact with very many people. I'm weird. Not perfect. All of my close friends have told me that I have such a kind heart and am a beautiful girl. Why is it so hard to believe people when they tell you those things? Because you don't believe it. Women are their own worst critics.
Period. End of story.
Who wants to be perfect? Everyone. Why? I have no idea, because, perfect is pretty boring, if you ask me. That's why we spend our entire lives striving to be perfect, because it isn't attainable. Jesus is the only perfect thing that has ever walked the earth. Everyone can always work on who they are and strive to be a better person, but until you realize no one can be perfect, you'll kill yourself trying.
I'm a real woman who has issues. Yes, they are a work in progress, every day of my life, but I'm a real woman. The world can just get over it and move on.
Don't judge others because they sin differently than you. Best advice I've ever heard.
Here's to being real.
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