Lazy. Just Plain Lazy

Today was my day off. I was quite excited, since I stayed up until 2 AM reading a book and watching the Five Year Engagement. I went to bed, thinking of what I would do today.
I began to make a list in my head which consisted of:

1. Finishing Laundry
2. Go to the store (we had NO food)
3. Make better choices when it came to food

I have not yet finished laundry. If only it were as easy as shoving EVERYTHING into the washer...but you have to separate stuff, obviously. I just now unpacked the rest of my clothes that were in the garage...such as my winter pajamas and jackets and all of my exercise clothes. Maybe now that I see my wide variety of cute workout clothes, I will work out more. Ha, if I say it enough, maybe it'll come true. So, maybe by the end of the evening, my laundry will be finished.

I did go to HEB today. I figured it was probably going to be busy because it was Halloween. I forgot that Halloween is not a national holiday where kids are out of school and adults don't work. People with real jobs, work normal hours. The parking lot was pretty full, but luckily, mostly smart people were shopping at my HEB today at 12:30. I was productive and made a list beforehand, otherwise, I'd walk all of the aisles and have a HUGE grocery bill.  I was pretty fast getting all of my items, until I got stuck on the bread aisle. There were guys unloading bread onto the shelves that were in my way, but it was all good, I knew exactly what type of bread I needed and where it was located. That would have been all fine and dandy if I was not stuck behind the family who had no idea what they wanted. I would have just turned the other way but this older lady (who had a lot of alcohol in her little scooter cart, not judging, just observing.) in her scooter cart was moving at the speed of molasses. I was stuck. I tried not to let it irritate me...but I was getting impatient. Other than that, my trip was pretty quick and easy. I checked out (and remembered to bring my reusable bags this time) and was ready to go home. I ALWAYS take my cart back when I'm done. Common courtesy. Why is it so hard to walk your cart like 2 feet to put it where it goes? There is a cart return station on every aisle...like 4 on every aisle. I got so irritated, haha. I am a lazy person sometimes, but it's not your house, put your stuff away!

I bought the BEST apples today at HEB. They were honey crisp apples. It was so crisp and juicy. I fell in love. Who needs chocolate cake when you can have that? I am in no way saying they are the same taste, but if I keep saying apples taste better, I'll eat more apples. This brings me to my trying to eat healthier point. I am reading a book titled Made to Crave. This book is all about how we, as humans, were made to crave. I crave food more than anything. Admitting that is very difficult for me, but it's true. I went from a size 8 (last November) to a size 14. That may not seem like a big jump, but it is. I'm not so much worried about what size pants I'm wearing, rather, how I feel in my own skin. I bought a lot of fruit and veggies today and instead of just swearing off all carbs, I bought 100% whole wheat stuff. We'll see how it goes. I don't want to crave food this much...

I have been extremely successful with weight loss before, but can never keep it off for prolonged amounts of time. I don't want to just go on a diet for three months or until I lose the weight. I want to change the way I think and feel about food. I want to turn to God when I'm sad, happy, mad, etc. Food does nothing for me except fulfill my physical desires and makes me gain weight. Not such a fun little thought, but it's true. I'm not in any way thinking this journey will be easy, but recently I've had to take a deep look into my life and realized I need to make some changes. One of the reasons I should stop eating so much is because it's expensive. The last 2 months, on my bank statement show A LOT of fast food charges. That's embarrassing. That's disgusting. I don't expect to be a super health freak, but I would like to feel good about how I eat and how I feel. I am being lazy in a different way.

Here is to no more laziness...or a lot less of it!

End of the Year Business

Tomorrow is Halloween.
Once Halloween hits, the rest of the year flies by so very quickly.
23 days until Thanksgiving.
43 days until my 23rd Birthday.
54 days until my best friend comes home!!
56 days until Christmas.

Woah. 2013, here we come.

Although Easter is my favorite holiday, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom's entire immediate family lives within thirty minutes of me, so I see them quite frequently, but it's so wonderful to have all of us together to EAT and enjoy each other's presence. (That was an extremely long sentence with way too many commas)
Every person makes their "signature dish" and there is an overload of food. Can I tell you just how excited I am to make green bean casserole, pink stuff AND apple pie? Also, my mother makes THE BEST mashed potatoes and deviled eggs. Be jealous. I would be if I had to miss out on all that awesomeness.

This post is not supposed to be about food, but I'm now craving Thanksgiving food.

Anyhow.
The reason I really love Thanksgiving is because it's the time of year when everyone gets sentimental and remembers what they're thankful for. Although we are able to be thankful year round, we use the one day of the year to really be thankful. It brings people back together and relationships are mended. I love it mostly for the fellowship with family and the annual Cowboys football game. I don't care if you're a fan of the Cowboys, just know that I am. I don't care if they lose more than they win--when you're a fan- it means through the good AND the bad.

My 23rd birthday. I feel like after you turn 21 and until you turn 30, you're kind of just acknowledging your birthdays rather than celebrating them. It's not a "milestone" so why get all excited?
My favorite part about birthdays is that my mother (who is my biggest fan) leaves me an opera style happy birthday message on my cell EVERY year. It started when I was a Freshman in college because I had to sing classically in school as a requirement and she found that humorous--therefore mocking me. That very first message became so popular that she does it for me every year. I know not to answer my phone on my birthday, because she cannot sing it if it's not a voicemail--she'll laugh too hard. It's the little things that make it worth while!
I share the same birthday as Frank Sinatra. I would like to attribute my talent to him--so thanks Mr. Oh-so-wonderful-jazz-musician. :)
The only not-so-great thing about my birthday being 13 days before Christmas is that when people give me gifts, they're combined with Christmas presents. (that sounds incredibly selfish, but it used to be a big deal). My sister has a birthday in September...I don't give her a joint present because that's just dumb. I never got a pool party, so give me a present for both, even if it's just a pencil. Something to acknowledge that I was born the same month as Jesus Christ. :-)
I'm really not that greedy, haha. Take that as you will.

Kathryn comes home in 54 days. That may seem creepy that I'm counting the days, but you don't understand. I saw Kathryn on a very frequent basis and these last three months have been incredibly difficult without her. I remember when she dropped me off at the airport and I was about to go to my gate and I lost it. I know I can call her any time and she'll be back and I can visit..but, it's not the same. I drive by her old subdivision and I almost always break down crying. She's my person. Boyfriends can come and go and normal friends are nice, but she's the one person I know I can tell everything to and she still wants to be around. When she comes back, we're going to see Les Miz!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO. Sorry, I'm really excited.
We always give each other the funniest gifts at Christmas. She knows I love Jesus, so she always buys me "Christian gifts" and is so proud when I love them. I always get her something with penguins, because she is obsessed with them. I wish I could give her tabogganning lessons for Christmas this year. Needless to say, I'm extremely excited for her to come home for like a week. :D

That brings us to my second favorite holiday. CHRISTMAS!
This holiday is very sentimental for me. I love church. It doesn't matter which church I go to for the annual Christmas Eve service, it's the fact that I can go anywhere and the same message is being preached. I love hearing about the birth of Christ, it's a beautiful story. I cry every time I hear it.
Also, every Christmas Eve, my mom, my sister and her husband (now my nephew :D) go to my house and open ONE present before bed. It's one of those traditions that you don't really know why you do it, but would be sad if you didn't. When we were kids, we could only pick the smallest present. Now, it doesn't matter because we're adults.
My favorite thing about Christmas (other than Jesus being born) is that feeling when you wake up and you rush out of bed and you're thinking "Oh my gosh, it's Christmas!"
I think of the scene from the original Yours, Mine and Ours when Philip runs through the house yelling "Santa Claus's been here." It's just exciting.
Even when Christmas isn't as "big" as normal, my family has a way of just being together and that being enough. That's my greatest joy.
Family.

People must think I'm strange. I see my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) more than twice a year. More like a million times a year. I can't even begin to think of how awful it would be to have to live more than thirty minutes away to see someone I love. I know people do it all the time and all, but, I love my family. When I was growing up and my single mother worked all the time to provide, the family just kind of came together and took care of us. It's not because they had to, it's because we're family, it's a natural reflex.
I'm so excited for the next couple of months because I get to see my entire family all together. I have incredibly blessed with the family I was given.
Even though I've faced many terrible experiences, the love of my family and of my God keeps me going constantly. I was given a perfect picture of love. We as a family are not perfect, but the imperfections make my life as close as it could be.
Let's end this year on a good note y'all :D
Get ready for the Christmas decorations and crazy shoppers...AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE RADIO!!

Cancer

In the last year, too many people that  I love have passed due to cancer. In September alone, I lost two very dear family members because of this disease. Cancer is everywhere and it is striking whoever and wherever it wants. To say that I'm frustrated is an understatement.

On November 5th, we will be remembering a beloved man, Randy Clinton. He was such a blessing to me and my family. He was only in my life for ten years, but for those ten years, memories were created that I will never forget. From the bright yellow shirt that he wore to his bug eyed face that he made, he will never be forgotten. One post in my blog is not enough to contribute to this man. His love for life and for people, but mostly for God was incredibly inspiring. The way he loved me even though I wasn't his own gave me hope. I was a witness of what a real man, a good man, was. I miss something different about him almost every day, but I feel him in my heart.
One thing that Randy said during his battle with cancer was that if God's purpose for his life had already been fulfilled, then he was ready to be with God-to go home. That's something I have not yet been able to grasp. It makes sense, of course, but I'm a selfish woman. I don't like letting go, I don't like saying goodbye. I hate the fact that I put up so much resistance when he started dating my mother. I hate the fact that it took me so long to see how good of a man he really was. I love the fact that he never stopped caring about me or loving me, even when I didn't want it, when I was trying to be a hardass.

I had never seen my mother happier, even when they were irritated with each other, it was always better than the memories of her without Randy. He brought out the best in her, and the most humorous version of her. She became a different person to me. I was finally able to really see the blessings bestowed upon me. For once in my life, she finally got to be just the mother, not the father too. I remember the day they got married--it was a very scary day for me. I grew up without a father figure, really, and I didn't want to admit that I needed one. We were always giving each other a hard time, but, he was everything I never had but always wanted. What I always needed.

It's a weird feeling to think he's been gone for an entire year. I can't wait until we meet again.