The Beauty of Friendship

In my life, I've had a lot of friends, but only a few great friends. Thankfully, these friends are the ones who know my deepest secrets and quirks but still choose to be my friend. I know I can bring anything to them and they'll love me the same.

It's a known fact that I love Jesus. I frequently bring my bible to school and to work so I can study it. Some people poke fun at me and call me a bible thumper, but I've never really been hurt by the ignorant jabs people make about my faith and my love for Christ. I was reading through an old book that DC Talk wrote titles Jesus Freaks. This book reports different real life stories of Christians who have been persecuted for their faith. People have been beaten and killed for their undeniable faith.

Too many Christians forget (including me) the persecution and ridicule Jesus faced to fulfill God's prophecy. Also, I think we don't have a true understanding of what it means to follow Christ. It's hard for us to make time to do a bible study for 30 minutes every day-Jesus calls us His disciples. Disciples dropped everything to follow Christ. I'm sure that they spent more than 30 minutes with Jesus everyday.

I need to make it a daily priority to spend time with God. Hands down. Those are just the thoughts I'd share while waiting in a doctor's office.

By the way, Siri is not open for this conversation!

Finish What You Start

As you know, I posted earlier in the year that I was planning on switching universities and all that jazz because I hated UTSA and didn't want to graduate there, blah blah blah. Well, since then, I've been praying constantly about it and really thinking about what I want to do with my life. After posting about fear a couple weeks ago, I really started thinking... I don't really feel that passion to teach anymore and I know that for everyone it comes and goes, but I haven't felt it for a while. I also know that as much as I want to tackle Music Therapy, I should finish what I started at UTSA.

Finish. That's the scariest word ever. I'm more afraid of finishing a degree and having to be a grown up than switching universities and starting an entirely different program. I'm nervous about actually teaching in a classroom without being able to leave after about 2 hours as I did in observations. I'm terrified of the profession I chose back in 2008 due to all of the changes in the Education system here in Texas. I'm terrified that I won't be good at it when I actually am in the classroom. Learning to teach and teaching are two totally different things. I know it's silly to be afraid of something I've been trained to do for the last FIVE years, but I am terrified. I'm also terrified because of the stories I hear from current [music] teachers.

My mom called me out on it a few months ago. I got so defensive that I don't think we really talked for two days other than "hey", "thanks", "see ya later" and "night". I didn't want to admit that I was scared because I'm an independent girl who can conquer anything. Inside, I was shakin' in my boots. She was right. Mothers are always walkin' around just being right. Don't you hate that? You know they have the best intention when telling you what they think but you don't expect them to actually be right. She was right. I know she's reading this and chuckling, probably thinking, "when are you going to learn, I'm always right?" Love you, mother.

So, I have put the music therapy journey on hold and have decided to conquer what I started in 2008. I applied for Student Teaching and filled out all necessary paperwork. I attended the meeting, I've found dates for all of the tests I'll have to take and I have prepared myself mentally for the road I'm about to take. I'm scared--I admit it. I don't know if I'm more afraid that I don't know how it's going to go or whether or not the money put into college was worth it. I'm also terrified that there won't be many arts programs left after I graduate. Regardless, I'm finishing what I started and I'm proud of that choice. I'm scared (as I've said a million times) but I'm a strong woman who can conquer the world. I got this, right?

Commitment is doing what you said you would do long after the mood you said it in has left you.

Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself...

I think it's incredibly unfortunate what kind of power your past has over you. No matter how far you've come and how much better of place you are in, your past can still whisper your name causing you to fall back into those old traps.

As I've said before, everyone has baggage. Whether it be something like someone stealing your pen in third grade or losing your parent to a disease, it has effected you. Everyone has different baggage-something you've been through may not be as "big" as someone else's problem, but it has still changed you. We become so used to being independent and not relying on those around us because we're afraid of losing someone or being hurt, but we push out all those who care about us when we do so.

When I was a Senior in High School, I was in the musical Annie. A friend of mine played the role of FDR and the thing I remember most about the entire musical was one line that he spoke-"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." I'm reminded of these profound words so often in my life, that I feel I should just paint them on my wall. Fear is a nasty virus that is not only contagious, it is deadly. Fear stops us from doing not only the really hard things, but even the small stuff like saying hi to someone or  making eye contact with a stranger. It reminds us of the baggage we carry and causes us to feel so horrible, that we stick to ourselves so that there is no risk of someone else hurting us.

The thing about our past is that it will always be a part of us. We can never just cut it out of our lives. We can forgive, but forgetting is one of those tricky things. We may forget about something for a while but in an instant, it comes rushing back to remind us of the hell we've faced. Every time we fall back into the trap it sets for us, we lose. When we succumb to its power, we're selling ourselves short. We've already suffered the tragedies, why relive it every day?

Our past does not have to control our lives. A past is just that-it's in the past! You are still going to find beautiful things in the world that bring you happiness and love. When you fear everything, you're not giving yourself the wonderful opportunity of being happy. Remember the last time you were just so happy you couldn't help yourself-not the people you were with or the place you were at, just the feeling of happiness. Let that be the fuel for your fire. Happiness is worth a risk.

Don't live in fear, live in hope.

Book Club?

I love to read. Plain and simple.
Ever since I was old enough to read, I've enjoyed it. When I was younger, we had a Sega Saturn-which was cool. My mom had a rule though-for every hour of playing, we had to read for an hour. And, you couldn't use a bank of hours, haha. For instance, if I read for 4 hours today, she wouldn't just let me play for 4 hours straight. Point being, reading was an incentive which then became a hobby.

Maybe the love of reading resulted from the fact that we only ever had a Sega Saturn and that after it broke, we didn't have another video gaming option. Anyway, you get the point that I just love to read.
In high school I kind of forgot about my love of reading since we were required to read a lot of books that I didn't necessarily care for. But, once I cracked open my copy of 1984 by George Orwell, I was hooked.

I had never really thought about a book club until recently. This is going to a be a total geek Sim moment, but, in the Sims you're character can sign up for a book club--they receive a book every Wednesday and there you go! But, not only did the Sims encourage me, my dad did. A couple of weeks ago, I drove to Big Spring and got to see my family. My dad sent me home with three books and said it was a really good series and I should read it. He then said something about him being in a book club and that it was the best way to get books cheaper.

Also, Pandora (which I listen to every morning when I'm getting ready) always shoots the ad out that says, "the best place to start a book club is with the book So You Want to Start a Book Club?" I've made the decision that I want to start a book club. I love to read and I love to talk about books--yes, I'm a nerd. I'm okay with that.

I'm excited about my idea and I'm not sure where it's going, but, I'm going to start a book club. Go me.

One Day Road Trip

On Friday, my dad's grandmother Gordie passed away. She was 93 years old and lived a great long life. I was very eager to hear about the plans for the information about the service so that I could make arrangements. My dad and his entire family live in West Texas (Big Spring), so it would be great to see everyone and to celebrate her life.  My dad let me know on Sunday night that the funeral would be on Monday at 2. That was not what I was expecting, but I was off Monday, so I decided I would go. My mom made me go to bed at a decent hour so I wouldn't be falling asleep on the way there.

I left at 7:15 AM yesterday on my 4 1/2 - 5 hour drive to middle-of-nowhere Big Spring, Texas. Of course, I got some Starbucks before I left :) Coffee is a life saver. I made extremely good time at almost exactly 4 1/2 hours. I changed and met up with my family--I hadn't seen that side of the family for about a year (some even longer) and I was excited to fellowship with them. We all headed over to the funeral home to gather together before the service. My great grandmother looked so peaceful and it made me glad that she is in a better place. My grandma asked me to sing for the family, so I sang Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin.  It's crazy, I've been singing in front of them for years and I still get nervous, especially yesterday.

After we all met at the funeral home, we went to the graveside for the service. It was very short and sweet (grandma said that's the way she would have wanted it). My dad, two uncles and my grandma sang Victory in Jesus and it was delightful. It's as if she was in the room celebrating her own life. It was so wonderful. Now, I don't have many memories of my great grandmother, but hearing everything about her, I wish I had more. She was an awesome woman and her faith in Christ is inspiring. Heaven was definitely celebrating because they got an awesome new member :) I'm so glad I was able to make it!

I then, drove back home after the funeral. NINE HOURS IN ONE DAY. It's not that big of a deal, but needless to say, I was tired when I got home. It was such a fabulous day. God has blessed me in so many ways, and I am awed in a new way every day.

Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me?
I once was lost, but now I'm found.
Was blind, but now I see. 

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed. 

My chains are gone, 
I've been set free.
My God, my Savior has ransomed me.
And like a flood, His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace. 

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word, my hope secures. 
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures. 

My chains are gone, 
I've been set free.
My God, my Savior has ransomed me.
And like a flood, His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, 
The sun forbear to shine.
But God, who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.
Will be forever mine. 
You are forever mine. 

Week of Smoothies

After going to the grocery store to buy some necessary ingredients (most common) for smoothie making, I decided to get busy making smoothies. I've only made four this week...but that's pretty good, I think. I will post the recipes and opinions of all the smoothies I've tried below. Enjoy!

Weight Loss Smoothie:

• 1 Tbsp Chia Seeds
• 1 Scoop Whey Protein Powder
• 1/2 Medium Banana
• 3/4 C Almond Milk
• 3-5 Ice Cubes

I ended up using an entire banana because it wasn't sweet enough or thick enough. It still tasted a little mediocre, but it was alright. It wasn't very sweet and it had a weird texture. The chia seeds (if you're not used to drinking things with them included) have a very weird texture. But, over all, it was alright and I finished it! 

Banana Goodness:

• 1 Banana
• 1/2 C Frozen Raspberries
• 1/4 C Other Frozen Berries
• 2 Whole Strawberries
• 1/2 C Low Fat Vanilla Yogurt
• 1/2 C Ice (crushed) 

This smoothie was sooo much better than the previous. The yogurt thickened it up and made it a better consistency. The mix of berries was really good and refreshing. Just a tip--if you use ice...get it crushed from the refrigerator instead of crushing it in the blender...not a good idea. Also, cut the strawberries up before tossing them in. Again, this was really yummy. 

The Invigorator:

• 1 tsp Lime Juice
• 1 Tbsp Honey
• 1 Handful Spinach
• 1 Apple (red or green, doesn't matter)
• 1 Pear (medium sized)
• 1 1/2 C Ginger Tea 
• Boil 2 C water. 
• Grate 1 inch of ginger root
• Add grated ginger into boiling water
• Put a lid on top and let boil for 15 minutes
• COOL it before making smoothie
• Ice (as much as you need) 

This smoothie was pretty good. It had a weird texture too, but the taste was good. It was really sweet and I liked that. You could taste the pear and apple and there wasn't an overpowering taste of spinach. I would make it again. It filled me up and I wasn't hungry for like six more hours. Good stuff. 

Breakfast in One Smoothie:

• 1/4 C Quick Cook Oats (not instant)
• 1/4 C Nuts (I used pecans)
• 1 Ripe Banana 
• 1 C Frozen Fruit ( I used Blueberries)
• 2 1/2 Tbsp Low Fat Vanilla Yogurt
• 1 C Vanilla Almond Milk

Okay so I really did like this one, it just took a few sips to get used to the texture. The pecans made it a tad bit bitter but other than that it was pretty good. It didn't fill me up as much as the others so I made 2 eggs to go with it. Good breakfast for me! 

Of all four of these recipes, I definitely think the Raspberry Banana Goodness was the best. The Weight Loss Smoothie was the worst tasting, but it was the best for you in nutrients. Overall, I wasn't disappointed and had a good time! I would recommend that you try them, just for fun :)

Short Haired Woes

So, on my 101/1001 list, one of my biggest goals is to grow my hair out longer than I ever have. To me, long hair is to my collar bone. To girls with long hair, that's short. For my friends and family, it is not weird for me to grow my hair out and then chop it all off. To me, hair is hair and it will always grow back.

But...

I really want to grow it out. I miss all the things I could do with my hair and how if I was a lazy bum, I could just put it up in a ponytail. Most of all, I miss having my hair braided. The most I can french braid with this short bob is my bangs. Although, that's cute, it's not the same!

One tiny problem-my hair grows as fast as molasses. I do get it trimmed every couple of months so that it will grow faster, but, I need to just be patient. Obviously this virtue can be applied to all aspects of life, haha.

So this is just a boo-hoo post about how I'm sad I have short hair.
Dont' get me wrong, it takes me no time to get ready (hair wise), but I just miss the hair. Wish me luck. I can get bored of what my hair looks like in the growing phase and often chop it all off again. Hopefully, I can make it this time!