Lazy. Just Plain Lazy

Today was my day off. I was quite excited, since I stayed up until 2 AM reading a book and watching the Five Year Engagement. I went to bed, thinking of what I would do today.
I began to make a list in my head which consisted of:

1. Finishing Laundry
2. Go to the store (we had NO food)
3. Make better choices when it came to food

I have not yet finished laundry. If only it were as easy as shoving EVERYTHING into the washer...but you have to separate stuff, obviously. I just now unpacked the rest of my clothes that were in the garage...such as my winter pajamas and jackets and all of my exercise clothes. Maybe now that I see my wide variety of cute workout clothes, I will work out more. Ha, if I say it enough, maybe it'll come true. So, maybe by the end of the evening, my laundry will be finished.

I did go to HEB today. I figured it was probably going to be busy because it was Halloween. I forgot that Halloween is not a national holiday where kids are out of school and adults don't work. People with real jobs, work normal hours. The parking lot was pretty full, but luckily, mostly smart people were shopping at my HEB today at 12:30. I was productive and made a list beforehand, otherwise, I'd walk all of the aisles and have a HUGE grocery bill.  I was pretty fast getting all of my items, until I got stuck on the bread aisle. There were guys unloading bread onto the shelves that were in my way, but it was all good, I knew exactly what type of bread I needed and where it was located. That would have been all fine and dandy if I was not stuck behind the family who had no idea what they wanted. I would have just turned the other way but this older lady (who had a lot of alcohol in her little scooter cart, not judging, just observing.) in her scooter cart was moving at the speed of molasses. I was stuck. I tried not to let it irritate me...but I was getting impatient. Other than that, my trip was pretty quick and easy. I checked out (and remembered to bring my reusable bags this time) and was ready to go home. I ALWAYS take my cart back when I'm done. Common courtesy. Why is it so hard to walk your cart like 2 feet to put it where it goes? There is a cart return station on every aisle...like 4 on every aisle. I got so irritated, haha. I am a lazy person sometimes, but it's not your house, put your stuff away!

I bought the BEST apples today at HEB. They were honey crisp apples. It was so crisp and juicy. I fell in love. Who needs chocolate cake when you can have that? I am in no way saying they are the same taste, but if I keep saying apples taste better, I'll eat more apples. This brings me to my trying to eat healthier point. I am reading a book titled Made to Crave. This book is all about how we, as humans, were made to crave. I crave food more than anything. Admitting that is very difficult for me, but it's true. I went from a size 8 (last November) to a size 14. That may not seem like a big jump, but it is. I'm not so much worried about what size pants I'm wearing, rather, how I feel in my own skin. I bought a lot of fruit and veggies today and instead of just swearing off all carbs, I bought 100% whole wheat stuff. We'll see how it goes. I don't want to crave food this much...

I have been extremely successful with weight loss before, but can never keep it off for prolonged amounts of time. I don't want to just go on a diet for three months or until I lose the weight. I want to change the way I think and feel about food. I want to turn to God when I'm sad, happy, mad, etc. Food does nothing for me except fulfill my physical desires and makes me gain weight. Not such a fun little thought, but it's true. I'm not in any way thinking this journey will be easy, but recently I've had to take a deep look into my life and realized I need to make some changes. One of the reasons I should stop eating so much is because it's expensive. The last 2 months, on my bank statement show A LOT of fast food charges. That's embarrassing. That's disgusting. I don't expect to be a super health freak, but I would like to feel good about how I eat and how I feel. I am being lazy in a different way.

Here is to no more laziness...or a lot less of it!

End of the Year Business

Tomorrow is Halloween.
Once Halloween hits, the rest of the year flies by so very quickly.
23 days until Thanksgiving.
43 days until my 23rd Birthday.
54 days until my best friend comes home!!
56 days until Christmas.

Woah. 2013, here we come.

Although Easter is my favorite holiday, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom's entire immediate family lives within thirty minutes of me, so I see them quite frequently, but it's so wonderful to have all of us together to EAT and enjoy each other's presence. (That was an extremely long sentence with way too many commas)
Every person makes their "signature dish" and there is an overload of food. Can I tell you just how excited I am to make green bean casserole, pink stuff AND apple pie? Also, my mother makes THE BEST mashed potatoes and deviled eggs. Be jealous. I would be if I had to miss out on all that awesomeness.

This post is not supposed to be about food, but I'm now craving Thanksgiving food.

Anyhow.
The reason I really love Thanksgiving is because it's the time of year when everyone gets sentimental and remembers what they're thankful for. Although we are able to be thankful year round, we use the one day of the year to really be thankful. It brings people back together and relationships are mended. I love it mostly for the fellowship with family and the annual Cowboys football game. I don't care if you're a fan of the Cowboys, just know that I am. I don't care if they lose more than they win--when you're a fan- it means through the good AND the bad.

My 23rd birthday. I feel like after you turn 21 and until you turn 30, you're kind of just acknowledging your birthdays rather than celebrating them. It's not a "milestone" so why get all excited?
My favorite part about birthdays is that my mother (who is my biggest fan) leaves me an opera style happy birthday message on my cell EVERY year. It started when I was a Freshman in college because I had to sing classically in school as a requirement and she found that humorous--therefore mocking me. That very first message became so popular that she does it for me every year. I know not to answer my phone on my birthday, because she cannot sing it if it's not a voicemail--she'll laugh too hard. It's the little things that make it worth while!
I share the same birthday as Frank Sinatra. I would like to attribute my talent to him--so thanks Mr. Oh-so-wonderful-jazz-musician. :)
The only not-so-great thing about my birthday being 13 days before Christmas is that when people give me gifts, they're combined with Christmas presents. (that sounds incredibly selfish, but it used to be a big deal). My sister has a birthday in September...I don't give her a joint present because that's just dumb. I never got a pool party, so give me a present for both, even if it's just a pencil. Something to acknowledge that I was born the same month as Jesus Christ. :-)
I'm really not that greedy, haha. Take that as you will.

Kathryn comes home in 54 days. That may seem creepy that I'm counting the days, but you don't understand. I saw Kathryn on a very frequent basis and these last three months have been incredibly difficult without her. I remember when she dropped me off at the airport and I was about to go to my gate and I lost it. I know I can call her any time and she'll be back and I can visit..but, it's not the same. I drive by her old subdivision and I almost always break down crying. She's my person. Boyfriends can come and go and normal friends are nice, but she's the one person I know I can tell everything to and she still wants to be around. When she comes back, we're going to see Les Miz!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO. Sorry, I'm really excited.
We always give each other the funniest gifts at Christmas. She knows I love Jesus, so she always buys me "Christian gifts" and is so proud when I love them. I always get her something with penguins, because she is obsessed with them. I wish I could give her tabogganning lessons for Christmas this year. Needless to say, I'm extremely excited for her to come home for like a week. :D

That brings us to my second favorite holiday. CHRISTMAS!
This holiday is very sentimental for me. I love church. It doesn't matter which church I go to for the annual Christmas Eve service, it's the fact that I can go anywhere and the same message is being preached. I love hearing about the birth of Christ, it's a beautiful story. I cry every time I hear it.
Also, every Christmas Eve, my mom, my sister and her husband (now my nephew :D) go to my house and open ONE present before bed. It's one of those traditions that you don't really know why you do it, but would be sad if you didn't. When we were kids, we could only pick the smallest present. Now, it doesn't matter because we're adults.
My favorite thing about Christmas (other than Jesus being born) is that feeling when you wake up and you rush out of bed and you're thinking "Oh my gosh, it's Christmas!"
I think of the scene from the original Yours, Mine and Ours when Philip runs through the house yelling "Santa Claus's been here." It's just exciting.
Even when Christmas isn't as "big" as normal, my family has a way of just being together and that being enough. That's my greatest joy.
Family.

People must think I'm strange. I see my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) more than twice a year. More like a million times a year. I can't even begin to think of how awful it would be to have to live more than thirty minutes away to see someone I love. I know people do it all the time and all, but, I love my family. When I was growing up and my single mother worked all the time to provide, the family just kind of came together and took care of us. It's not because they had to, it's because we're family, it's a natural reflex.
I'm so excited for the next couple of months because I get to see my entire family all together. I have incredibly blessed with the family I was given.
Even though I've faced many terrible experiences, the love of my family and of my God keeps me going constantly. I was given a perfect picture of love. We as a family are not perfect, but the imperfections make my life as close as it could be.
Let's end this year on a good note y'all :D
Get ready for the Christmas decorations and crazy shoppers...AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE RADIO!!

Cancer

In the last year, too many people that  I love have passed due to cancer. In September alone, I lost two very dear family members because of this disease. Cancer is everywhere and it is striking whoever and wherever it wants. To say that I'm frustrated is an understatement.

On November 5th, we will be remembering a beloved man, Randy Clinton. He was such a blessing to me and my family. He was only in my life for ten years, but for those ten years, memories were created that I will never forget. From the bright yellow shirt that he wore to his bug eyed face that he made, he will never be forgotten. One post in my blog is not enough to contribute to this man. His love for life and for people, but mostly for God was incredibly inspiring. The way he loved me even though I wasn't his own gave me hope. I was a witness of what a real man, a good man, was. I miss something different about him almost every day, but I feel him in my heart.
One thing that Randy said during his battle with cancer was that if God's purpose for his life had already been fulfilled, then he was ready to be with God-to go home. That's something I have not yet been able to grasp. It makes sense, of course, but I'm a selfish woman. I don't like letting go, I don't like saying goodbye. I hate the fact that I put up so much resistance when he started dating my mother. I hate the fact that it took me so long to see how good of a man he really was. I love the fact that he never stopped caring about me or loving me, even when I didn't want it, when I was trying to be a hardass.

I had never seen my mother happier, even when they were irritated with each other, it was always better than the memories of her without Randy. He brought out the best in her, and the most humorous version of her. She became a different person to me. I was finally able to really see the blessings bestowed upon me. For once in my life, she finally got to be just the mother, not the father too. I remember the day they got married--it was a very scary day for me. I grew up without a father figure, really, and I didn't want to admit that I needed one. We were always giving each other a hard time, but, he was everything I never had but always wanted. What I always needed.

It's a weird feeling to think he's been gone for an entire year. I can't wait until we meet again.

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover

We've all heard this a million times, "It's not what's on the outside that matters." I've never truly paid attention to that phrase until recently. Sure, we all do it. We people watch. Why else do you think People of Walmart is such a great success? Instant judgement at the ready. I had gotten into the habit of simply looking at other people and ruling them out as ugly, losers, too pretty, d-bag, etc.

It's a terrible habit. But, we all do it.
Whether or not you're aware of it, you judge people the instant you see them.
Why?
We are insecure about ourselves.
BINGO.

I went out with a few people last night and I really realized how often I make assumptions about people--their motives, looks, attitudes, etc. I took a step back and decided to really try not to assume things about other people. I took myself out of the driver's seat, I gave up my control. It was awesome. When you let your guard down, you really do benefit, for the most part. You allow other people to get to know you and it's a beautiful thing. That sounds really corny, but, life is too short to have a personal vendetta against the world.

A friend of mine sent me a text that I really needed to read:
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

Woah. Those are the most powerful words I've heard in a long time. I get angry because I have never received apologies for what people have said or done to hurt me, but I'm not hurting them by holding a grudge, I'm hurting myself. It's not an easy thing to just get over those things, but, it's okay to be down in the slumps sometimes, rather than just being angry all the time. 

Like I've said many times before, no one is perfect. That's a really hard concept to grasp. When you look in the mirror and critique yourself, hatred comes out in its purest form. It's easy to pull yourself apart. But, when others complain that their clothes are too tight, you pull ever beautiful compliment you can muster up from the depth of your heart. Why is it so much easier to compliment others, when you deserve the compliments as well? 

I have a goal on my 101/1001 list to make a list of 20 things I like about myself and post them on my mirror so I can see them every day when getting ready. I'm addicted to colorful pens and sticky notes, so I'm going to attack that task tomorrow. Maybe, if you read and repeat something every day, you'll really start believing it. I will let you know how that works out for me! 

The risk of letting your guard down is worth it for the few good outcomes that may happen. If you get knocked down, just get back up again. 

It's worth making mistakes to better your life. Mistakes only happen once, if they happen frequently, they're choices. You know what is good for you and what is not good for you. You can't control everything. So, let someone else take control/lead for a change. 

Perfect

Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.

You're so mean, 
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.

So complicated, 
Look happy, You'll make it! 
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/pink-perfect-lyrics.html ]
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.

The whole world stares so I swallow the fear, 
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try, 
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.

Confidence is a Must

My entire life, I've had trouble with being confident outside of my group of close friends. Once I get to know people, I'm a very confident gal who can hold her own...but in new situations, I am the one waiting to be talked to, all awkward. I find this really funny since I've worked in retail for a good while.

Example of my awkwardness. My mother and sister LOVE to call me out on this too. When ordering food at a restaurant, I usually go last out of whoever I'm with, because I like to let the other people go first (and because sometimes I change my mind on what I want to eat after everyone else orders). When the waiter turns to me and looks at me and asks, "and for you?"I look at them and say "I'll have,"...then almost immediately stare down at the menu and read what I want. It's not because I have forgotten the name of what I want, it's because I am a very awkward person. I've been working on it for a while, haha.

I realized just how unconfident I am in myself on Tuesday when I was in my bible study fellowship group discussion. Each week, there is homework to be done for the lesson provided. During the discussion group, you go over the thoughts on the answers and such. I am an awesome homework answerer as in I write a lot, probably too much. But, when the leader asks if anyone found anything interesting, I keep quiet until she calls on me because no one else has answered. Then, I frantically look at the page and try to answer, like I don't know what I put.

I am always afraid of what others will think of my answers, but as I was doing the homework tonight, I realized, I shouldn't care what other people think. We're going over creation theories this week and I know what I believe and am allowed to have an opinion. I can also appreciate the opinions of others, without diminishing my own.

I admire confidence and others. I think it's a must have in interviews, on dates and especially when performing. I judge others for not being confident in themselves, so I should be confident, right?

Goal for October=be confident.

What makes you feel confident and not arrogant? There is a fine line, right? Thoughts? Go.

Old Friends, New Conversations

Last night, I went to Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) with my mom and my sister. We are studying Genesis for the entire school year. It's pretty cool, to me. The speaker was talking about crucial conversations that you will have in your life and how to deal with them. Now, the crucial conversation she was talking about was the conversation about creation. Everyone has their very opinionated views on how the Earth was created, but thankfully, that's not what I'm writing about today. Whew, move on.

But it did make me think of the other crucial conversations that will come up in the next few years and with various people. I think one of the biggest crucial conversations that will ever happen is the life story exchange between two people interested in dating/marrying each other. There is a really funny episode of How I Met Your Mother that I thought nailed this.

Baggage.

Everyone has some type of baggage going into a relationship. You never know when the right time is to share yours. All at once? Little by little? It's a conversation I've been afraid of my entire "dating" life. I was chatting with an old friend about this subject and he reminded me that when it's "the one" the baggage isn't going to break the relationship. I know that's an obvious answer, but...it doesn't click in your brain the first time you hear it.

Until I find Mr. Right, I'm going to keep on living as Emily. Yeah, I've got some baggage and some issues, but who doesn't? If people can't handle it, then, no big deal.

There is still not a perfect time in a dating period to have the crucial life story swap conversation, but, face it--it has to happen. Don't flip out about it. Be cool. Their biggest issue  may be that a girl broke his pencil in the fourth grade. No two people have the same issues. Work to understand instead of judge or be freaked out.

Cinnamon and Nutmeg Facial Mask

I made a friend of mine laugh the other day, showing her my previous post where I did that dumbest gelatin/milk facial ever created. My facial expressions were extremely entertaining apparently. So, I realized I needed to do a facial for the month of September and I decided to use the second simplest recipe--cinnamon and nutmeg. It has three ingredients and won't rip every layer of skin off of my face. Good deal. 

Cinnamon and Nutmeg Facial Mask

1. 2 Tablespoons of Honey
2. 1 teaspoon of Cinnamon 
3. 1 teaspoon of Nutmeg

• Mix ingredients 
• Apply to face
• Let sit for 30 minutes
• Wash with warm water while lightly scrubbing in circular motions
• ****This will make a milk chocolate colored mask, so beware for the dark brown on your face!

It doesn't take long to make and it is super easy to apply. This facial mask is for oily skin and is an exfoliating genius--you can feel that grainy texture as you're applying. A big plus is that it smells delicious! You do have to let it sit for 30 minutes, but that's alright. 

I'm doing this facial at 12:15 AM because I don't want to scare my mother with this brown mask on my face...but I'm sharing it with the internet so I guess the time doesn't really matter! This is clearly not a way to score a date. 

I'm trying to make you laugh in these next photos, so let loose, laugh. 

About halfway through it "sitting," part of it started dripping so I really felt like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire, haha. But the good thing is, although I wouldn't want this as a dessert or anything, it is edible. It doesn't harden on your face, so it's easy to wash off. I vote yes for doing this one again! 

Okay, so it's been thirty minutes and I washed off my mask successfully! It did "burn" a little bit because I was exfoliating my skin, but it came off very easily and then I put some moisturizer on and BAM! This facial was much more successful than the skin ripper last month. This is a face of a happy girl!