This past Sunday was the Rock n Roll Marathon in San Antonio. A few people I knew were running in the marathon, but I didn't realize how big of a deal this marathon was until I got to work. I am a receptionist at Massage Envy, so I'm pretty used to seeing runners come in and get a massage after a race. When I got to work, there were quite a few people who had just taken part in this marathon who had thought ahead and made an appointment to get a massage. Then, the phone was ringing constantly with people who were looking for any open appointments for the same issues. I also looked on twitter and a few of my friends posted pictures of just how many people were downtown for the marathon. Woah. I thought to myself, that would be cool to take part in such an event.
The next day, I was hanging out with my mom watching TV when we decided it was the perfect time of day to take our two dogs for a walk. We both could lose a few and my dog, Samantha, is an overweight beagle--so there would be no harm done to anyone involved. :) We went around the "big block" surrounding our neighborhood and it took us about an hour. We weren't walking very quickly and it wasn't aimed at being a "brisk walk", but we got in some walking. After we got home, my mom called me into her office and told me that next year, we will be participating in the Rock n Roll marathon. At first, I was like...are you crazy?! and then I took a minute and decided that was a really good goal for us to set.
We haven't yet decided whether we will be participating in the full or half marathon. We have an entire year to train...but at the same time, we've never competed in any kind of race (except my very little amount of time invested in track back in high school), so the half may be the better choice. So, when I make the choice, I will let you know.
I told one of my friends that I was considering doing it and he told me he'd train with me, so I was pretty excited. Then, when I came to work last night, a couple more of my coworkers said that they would also train with me. So, now that I had a good amount of accountability partners, I was stoked. I haven't yet decided which training plan that I will follow, but I'm researching it now. I'm trying to find friends who really enjoy running and who could give me good and helpful tips for training. I don't want to jump into a crazy running schedule if it isn't something that's attainable, you know? So, I need someone who will give honest advice to me.
I've decided that no matter which I decide to do, half or full, that it is a commitment that I must stick with. Commitment means doing what you said you would do, long after the mood you said it in has left you. I'm hoping that since I've found a few good friends to do this with, that we can hold each other accountable.
So, for now, I'm simply researching training schedules. I'm pretty sure (since it only take 18-20 weeks to really train) I will start training to do the training schedule to then prepare me for the marathon, haha. Couch to marathon style! I am going on Friday to buy some running shoes. I am hoping that if I buy those shoes, that I will remind myself that it's worth it. Wish me luck! Feel free to check in on me and see how I'm doing. I will post about my progress. I'm excited. Nervous. But, excited.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
One Day in the Dillard's Parking Lot...
Last week, I went to church for the first time in a long while. I couldn't put off going to church one more week. So, since it was daylight savings and all, I went to bed early and got up to go to the early bird service! I was pretty proud of myself.
Once I got to church, I sat about midway back. The music started to play and I was having a good time. Then, of course, the awkward church meet and greet took place. I'm already an awkward person so this made it much more awkward for me. I was ready to sit down and take notes! I did just that.
Although I believe that mission work is really important, I don't think we must go to a foreign place to do mission work. San Antonio has plenty of people to reach in the midst of our daily routines. Our purpose on earth is to do God's work in all that we do. The pastor kept asking, "what's your story?" It made me really think back to when I accepted Christ and how it happened. He also asked where we could share our stories. He wanted each of us to turn to our neighbor and tell them where our one place we knew we could share our story was...I just drew a blank. I sat there trying to figure out a place to say, but couldn't think of anything. Thankfully, no one turned to me.
Later that week, I was sitting at work (I'm a receptionist at a massage clinic) talking to a few coworkers and my story came up. I couldn't help but smile because obviously, God knew where I would be able to share my story. This is my story:
When I was a little girl, my grandparents would pick me up on the weekends and take me to church on Sundays with them. They lived 30 minutes away from my house in a small town with an even smaller baptist church. I went to Vacation Bible School every summer and loved going to church. When I was eight years old, I remember I stayed with my grandparents the entire week so I wouldn't miss VBS. Each night at worship, they'd have their invitation, but I just thought deciding that Jesus was my lord and savior would be something I'd have to ask my mother for permission for. So, I left VBS a non Christian. A short time after VBS had ended, my grandparents were going to take me home, but had to stop at the mall first, so Grandma could buy something at Dillard's.
It was pouring down rain, so Paw-Paw dropped her off at the door and we drove around and parked. He asked me what I thought of VBS. I remember telling him I thought VBS was really cool and that Jesus seemed like a cool guy. He told me more about Jesus while we waited for Grandma. I was so intrigued and so excited to hear more about him that I couldn't stop listening. When he asked me if I wanted to accept Jesus as my lord and savior, I told him I had to ask mom first. He assured me, she would be joyous about my decision. I decided he was probably right and I prayed the prayer right there with my Paw Paw while it was pouring down rain in the Dillard's parking lot.
That story seems silly, but it means so much to me. My paw-paw also had the chance to baptize me in our small baptist church, which is a really cool memory. He has been with me on this journey of faith since the beginning and to me, that's priceless. He shared his story with me 14 years ago that led me to make the best decision I've ever made. Woah.
It really made me proud to tell my story this week. I have many more stories of how my relationship with God and my faith in God have taken me to where I am today that I'm eager to share. I'm proud to be a child of God and a follower of Christ.
And if our God is for us,
then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us,
then what could stand against?
Once I got to church, I sat about midway back. The music started to play and I was having a good time. Then, of course, the awkward church meet and greet took place. I'm already an awkward person so this made it much more awkward for me. I was ready to sit down and take notes! I did just that.
Although I believe that mission work is really important, I don't think we must go to a foreign place to do mission work. San Antonio has plenty of people to reach in the midst of our daily routines. Our purpose on earth is to do God's work in all that we do. The pastor kept asking, "what's your story?" It made me really think back to when I accepted Christ and how it happened. He also asked where we could share our stories. He wanted each of us to turn to our neighbor and tell them where our one place we knew we could share our story was...I just drew a blank. I sat there trying to figure out a place to say, but couldn't think of anything. Thankfully, no one turned to me.
Later that week, I was sitting at work (I'm a receptionist at a massage clinic) talking to a few coworkers and my story came up. I couldn't help but smile because obviously, God knew where I would be able to share my story. This is my story:
When I was a little girl, my grandparents would pick me up on the weekends and take me to church on Sundays with them. They lived 30 minutes away from my house in a small town with an even smaller baptist church. I went to Vacation Bible School every summer and loved going to church. When I was eight years old, I remember I stayed with my grandparents the entire week so I wouldn't miss VBS. Each night at worship, they'd have their invitation, but I just thought deciding that Jesus was my lord and savior would be something I'd have to ask my mother for permission for. So, I left VBS a non Christian. A short time after VBS had ended, my grandparents were going to take me home, but had to stop at the mall first, so Grandma could buy something at Dillard's.
It was pouring down rain, so Paw-Paw dropped her off at the door and we drove around and parked. He asked me what I thought of VBS. I remember telling him I thought VBS was really cool and that Jesus seemed like a cool guy. He told me more about Jesus while we waited for Grandma. I was so intrigued and so excited to hear more about him that I couldn't stop listening. When he asked me if I wanted to accept Jesus as my lord and savior, I told him I had to ask mom first. He assured me, she would be joyous about my decision. I decided he was probably right and I prayed the prayer right there with my Paw Paw while it was pouring down rain in the Dillard's parking lot.
That story seems silly, but it means so much to me. My paw-paw also had the chance to baptize me in our small baptist church, which is a really cool memory. He has been with me on this journey of faith since the beginning and to me, that's priceless. He shared his story with me 14 years ago that led me to make the best decision I've ever made. Woah.
It really made me proud to tell my story this week. I have many more stories of how my relationship with God and my faith in God have taken me to where I am today that I'm eager to share. I'm proud to be a child of God and a follower of Christ.
And if our God is for us,
then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us,
then what could stand against?
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Marriage.
I've been thinking about marriage and my future a lot in the last few years, but more so in the last few months. I have not yet met "Mr. Right" and am not dating anyone, so this could, very well be a very naive and silly post. I am almost 23 years old and I am unmarried. I wish that were more common. I know so many of my close friends that are already married (some for quite some time) and I am single wondering if I'll ever meet that right man.
Let me tell you, I do not share common thoughts with most of my friends about dating or marriage. I'm simply different. I am not a girl who has dreamed about my wedding day since I was 5. I didn't even really think about it until I was 19 or 20. I didn't know it was so common to dream up such a day at such a young age. "She's dreamed about this day ever since she was a little girl." Is that really true?! Sure, I liked dressing up and playing barbies...but I did not picture myself getting married to anyone other Ken. That may sound incredibly stupid, but, my brain didn't comprehend such a concept. Something could be wrong with me.
Let's be real here. My parents were married twice (to each other) and divorced twice. By the time I was seven, they weren't married anymore, so for most of my life I was raised by my mother. My mom had to be both parents for a good long while. I didn't see a good example of what marriage was in my home growing up. I didn't even really see an example of love (other than a mother's love) until I was 12 when my mom met Randy. How could I dream of something I'd never knew was there? Sure, I had crushes on boys at school but, really...the kind of love I would dream about later was not anywhere in my mind.
I grew up mainly without a father. I had father figures, but not my father. I didn't know how broken I was until I was "dating." I had built up a brick wall around my heart and all of those stories and experiences I had during my life were off limits. Those stories were saved for me, God and my best friend. There are things you don't want to share, especially when you don't have a foundation of trust. Building a wall is easy. Breaking it down is the hardest road you'll ever embark upon. I cried a lot. I was mean to a lot of people because of my own insecurities. I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of said insecurities. I dated certain boys because of what I thought I wanted.
I made a list of what I thought I wanted. I love when you think you're in control of your own life. I love that God can change your heart and your mind in a matter of seconds. After dating a guy for almost two years because he fit what I thought I wanted for the rest of my life, God opened my eyes. I almost instantly decided it wasn't a relationship I should be in and tried to play "fix it". I thought maybe if things changed we'd work out. That made it worse.
God knows what is best for you. Listening is the hardest part. I'm apart of a generation that wants things now. No one wants to wait, they want to know where life is headed right this instant.
God must have a really good sense of humor and an immense amount of patience.
I threw away the list. I know there are certain things I need in a man but I can't expect a man to look a certain way, act a certain way and just "be" a certain way. There is no way that would ever be attainable. I know I need a man who loves Jesus more than me and that has a genuine heart. I know I need a man that understands what it means to serve me and I him.
I don't find marriage to be about attraction (although we should have a chemistry) or about how well our personalities mesh. I find marriage to be a covenant before God to serve together and follow Him. I find marriage to be a companionship.
Only God knows.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Lazy. Just Plain Lazy
Today was my day off. I was quite excited, since I stayed up until 2 AM reading a book and watching the Five Year Engagement. I went to bed, thinking of what I would do today.
I began to make a list in my head which consisted of:
I did go to HEB today. I figured it was probably going to be busy because it was Halloween. I forgot that Halloween is not a national holiday where kids are out of school and adults don't work. People with real jobs, work normal hours. The parking lot was pretty full, but luckily, mostly smart people were shopping at my HEB today at 12:30. I was productive and made a list beforehand, otherwise, I'd walk all of the aisles and have a HUGE grocery bill. I was pretty fast getting all of my items, until I got stuck on the bread aisle. There were guys unloading bread onto the shelves that were in my way, but it was all good, I knew exactly what type of bread I needed and where it was located. That would have been all fine and dandy if I was not stuck behind the family who had no idea what they wanted. I would have just turned the other way but this older lady (who had a lot of alcohol in her little scooter cart, not judging, just observing.) in her scooter cart was moving at the speed of molasses. I was stuck. I tried not to let it irritate me...but I was getting impatient. Other than that, my trip was pretty quick and easy. I checked out (and remembered to bring my reusable bags this time) and was ready to go home. I ALWAYS take my cart back when I'm done. Common courtesy. Why is it so hard to walk your cart like 2 feet to put it where it goes? There is a cart return station on every aisle...like 4 on every aisle. I got so irritated, haha. I am a lazy person sometimes, but it's not your house, put your stuff away!
I bought the BEST apples today at HEB. They were honey crisp apples. It was so crisp and juicy. I fell in love. Who needs chocolate cake when you can have that? I am in no way saying they are the same taste, but if I keep saying apples taste better, I'll eat more apples. This brings me to my trying to eat healthier point. I am reading a book titled Made to Crave. This book is all about how we, as humans, were made to crave. I crave food more than anything. Admitting that is very difficult for me, but it's true. I went from a size 8 (last November) to a size 14. That may not seem like a big jump, but it is. I'm not so much worried about what size pants I'm wearing, rather, how I feel in my own skin. I bought a lot of fruit and veggies today and instead of just swearing off all carbs, I bought 100% whole wheat stuff. We'll see how it goes. I don't want to crave food this much...
I have been extremely successful with weight loss before, but can never keep it off for prolonged amounts of time. I don't want to just go on a diet for three months or until I lose the weight. I want to change the way I think and feel about food. I want to turn to God when I'm sad, happy, mad, etc. Food does nothing for me except fulfill my physical desires and makes me gain weight. Not such a fun little thought, but it's true. I'm not in any way thinking this journey will be easy, but recently I've had to take a deep look into my life and realized I need to make some changes. One of the reasons I should stop eating so much is because it's expensive. The last 2 months, on my bank statement show A LOT of fast food charges. That's embarrassing. That's disgusting. I don't expect to be a super health freak, but I would like to feel good about how I eat and how I feel. I am being lazy in a different way.
Here is to no more laziness...or a lot less of it!
I began to make a list in my head which consisted of:
- Finishing Laundry
- Go to the store (we had NO food)
- Make better choices when it came to food
I did go to HEB today. I figured it was probably going to be busy because it was Halloween. I forgot that Halloween is not a national holiday where kids are out of school and adults don't work. People with real jobs, work normal hours. The parking lot was pretty full, but luckily, mostly smart people were shopping at my HEB today at 12:30. I was productive and made a list beforehand, otherwise, I'd walk all of the aisles and have a HUGE grocery bill. I was pretty fast getting all of my items, until I got stuck on the bread aisle. There were guys unloading bread onto the shelves that were in my way, but it was all good, I knew exactly what type of bread I needed and where it was located. That would have been all fine and dandy if I was not stuck behind the family who had no idea what they wanted. I would have just turned the other way but this older lady (who had a lot of alcohol in her little scooter cart, not judging, just observing.) in her scooter cart was moving at the speed of molasses. I was stuck. I tried not to let it irritate me...but I was getting impatient. Other than that, my trip was pretty quick and easy. I checked out (and remembered to bring my reusable bags this time) and was ready to go home. I ALWAYS take my cart back when I'm done. Common courtesy. Why is it so hard to walk your cart like 2 feet to put it where it goes? There is a cart return station on every aisle...like 4 on every aisle. I got so irritated, haha. I am a lazy person sometimes, but it's not your house, put your stuff away!
I bought the BEST apples today at HEB. They were honey crisp apples. It was so crisp and juicy. I fell in love. Who needs chocolate cake when you can have that? I am in no way saying they are the same taste, but if I keep saying apples taste better, I'll eat more apples. This brings me to my trying to eat healthier point. I am reading a book titled Made to Crave. This book is all about how we, as humans, were made to crave. I crave food more than anything. Admitting that is very difficult for me, but it's true. I went from a size 8 (last November) to a size 14. That may not seem like a big jump, but it is. I'm not so much worried about what size pants I'm wearing, rather, how I feel in my own skin. I bought a lot of fruit and veggies today and instead of just swearing off all carbs, I bought 100% whole wheat stuff. We'll see how it goes. I don't want to crave food this much...
I have been extremely successful with weight loss before, but can never keep it off for prolonged amounts of time. I don't want to just go on a diet for three months or until I lose the weight. I want to change the way I think and feel about food. I want to turn to God when I'm sad, happy, mad, etc. Food does nothing for me except fulfill my physical desires and makes me gain weight. Not such a fun little thought, but it's true. I'm not in any way thinking this journey will be easy, but recently I've had to take a deep look into my life and realized I need to make some changes. One of the reasons I should stop eating so much is because it's expensive. The last 2 months, on my bank statement show A LOT of fast food charges. That's embarrassing. That's disgusting. I don't expect to be a super health freak, but I would like to feel good about how I eat and how I feel. I am being lazy in a different way.
Here is to no more laziness...or a lot less of it!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
End of the Year Business
Tomorrow is Halloween.
Once Halloween hits, the rest of the year flies by so very quickly.
23 days until Thanksgiving.
43 days until my 23rd Birthday.
54 days until my best friend comes home!!
56 days until Christmas.
Woah. 2013, here we come.
Although Easter is my favorite holiday, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom's entire immediate family lives within thirty minutes of me, so I see them quite frequently, but it's so wonderful to have all of us together to EAT and enjoy each other's presence. (That was an extremely long sentence with way too many commas)
Every person makes their "signature dish" and there is an overload of food. Can I tell you just how excited I am to make green bean casserole, pink stuff AND apple pie? Also, my mother makes THE BEST mashed potatoes and deviled eggs. Be jealous. I would be if I had to miss out on all that awesomeness.
This post is not supposed to be about food, but I'm now craving Thanksgiving food.
Anyhow.
The reason I really love Thanksgiving is because it's the time of year when everyone gets sentimental and remembers what they're thankful for. Although we are able to be thankful year round, we use the one day of the year to really be thankful. It brings people back together and relationships are mended. I love it mostly for the fellowship with family and the annual Cowboys football game. I don't care if you're a fan of the Cowboys, just know that I am. I don't care if they lose more than they win--when you're a fan- it means through the good AND the bad.
My 23rd birthday. I feel like after you turn 21 and until you turn 30, you're kind of just acknowledging your birthdays rather than celebrating them. It's not a "milestone" so why get all excited?
My favorite part about birthdays is that my mother (who is my biggest fan) leaves me an opera style happy birthday message on my cell EVERY year. It started when I was a Freshman in college because I had to sing classically in school as a requirement and she found that humorous--therefore mocking me. That very first message became so popular that she does it for me every year. I know not to answer my phone on my birthday, because she cannot sing it if it's not a voicemail--she'll laugh too hard. It's the little things that make it worth while!
I share the same birthday as Frank Sinatra. I would like to attribute my talent to him--so thanks Mr. Oh-so-wonderful-jazz-musician. :)
The only not-so-great thing about my birthday being 13 days before Christmas is that when people give me gifts, they're combined with Christmas presents. (that sounds incredibly selfish, but it used to be a big deal). My sister has a birthday in September...I don't give her a joint present because that's just dumb. I never got a pool party, so give me a present for both, even if it's just a pencil. Something to acknowledge that I was born the same month as Jesus Christ. :-)
I'm really not that greedy, haha. Take that as you will.
Kathryn comes home in 54 days. That may seem creepy that I'm counting the days, but you don't understand. I saw Kathryn on a very frequent basis and these last three months have been incredibly difficult without her. I remember when she dropped me off at the airport and I was about to go to my gate and I lost it. I know I can call her any time and she'll be back and I can visit..but, it's not the same. I drive by her old subdivision and I almost always break down crying. She's my person. Boyfriends can come and go and normal friends are nice, but she's the one person I know I can tell everything to and she still wants to be around. When she comes back, we're going to see Les Miz!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO. Sorry, I'm really excited.
We always give each other the funniest gifts at Christmas. She knows I love Jesus, so she always buys me "Christian gifts" and is so proud when I love them. I always get her something with penguins, because she is obsessed with them. I wish I could give her tabogganning lessons for Christmas this year. Needless to say, I'm extremely excited for her to come home for like a week. :D
That brings us to my second favorite holiday. CHRISTMAS!
This holiday is very sentimental for me. I love church. It doesn't matter which church I go to for the annual Christmas Eve service, it's the fact that I can go anywhere and the same message is being preached. I love hearing about the birth of Christ, it's a beautiful story. I cry every time I hear it.
Also, every Christmas Eve, my mom, my sister and her husband (now my nephew :D) go to my house and open ONE present before bed. It's one of those traditions that you don't really know why you do it, but would be sad if you didn't. When we were kids, we could only pick the smallest present. Now, it doesn't matter because we're adults.
My favorite thing about Christmas (other than Jesus being born) is that feeling when you wake up and you rush out of bed and you're thinking "Oh my gosh, it's Christmas!"
I think of the scene from the original Yours, Mine and Ours when Philip runs through the house yelling "Santa Claus's been here." It's just exciting.
Even when Christmas isn't as "big" as normal, my family has a way of just being together and that being enough. That's my greatest joy.
Family.
People must think I'm strange. I see my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) more than twice a year. More like a million times a year. I can't even begin to think of how awful it would be to have to live more than thirty minutes away to see someone I love. I know people do it all the time and all, but, I love my family. When I was growing up and my single mother worked all the time to provide, the family just kind of came together and took care of us. It's not because they had to, it's because we're family, it's a natural reflex.
I'm so excited for the next couple of months because I get to see my entire family all together. I have incredibly blessed with the family I was given.
Even though I've faced many terrible experiences, the love of my family and of my God keeps me going constantly. I was given a perfect picture of love. We as a family are not perfect, but the imperfections make my life as close as it could be.
Let's end this year on a good note y'all :D
Get ready for the Christmas decorations and crazy shoppers...AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE RADIO!!
Once Halloween hits, the rest of the year flies by so very quickly.
23 days until Thanksgiving.
43 days until my 23rd Birthday.
54 days until my best friend comes home!!
56 days until Christmas.
Woah. 2013, here we come.
Although Easter is my favorite holiday, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom's entire immediate family lives within thirty minutes of me, so I see them quite frequently, but it's so wonderful to have all of us together to EAT and enjoy each other's presence. (That was an extremely long sentence with way too many commas)
Every person makes their "signature dish" and there is an overload of food. Can I tell you just how excited I am to make green bean casserole, pink stuff AND apple pie? Also, my mother makes THE BEST mashed potatoes and deviled eggs. Be jealous. I would be if I had to miss out on all that awesomeness.
This post is not supposed to be about food, but I'm now craving Thanksgiving food.
Anyhow.
The reason I really love Thanksgiving is because it's the time of year when everyone gets sentimental and remembers what they're thankful for. Although we are able to be thankful year round, we use the one day of the year to really be thankful. It brings people back together and relationships are mended. I love it mostly for the fellowship with family and the annual Cowboys football game. I don't care if you're a fan of the Cowboys, just know that I am. I don't care if they lose more than they win--when you're a fan- it means through the good AND the bad.
My 23rd birthday. I feel like after you turn 21 and until you turn 30, you're kind of just acknowledging your birthdays rather than celebrating them. It's not a "milestone" so why get all excited?
My favorite part about birthdays is that my mother (who is my biggest fan) leaves me an opera style happy birthday message on my cell EVERY year. It started when I was a Freshman in college because I had to sing classically in school as a requirement and she found that humorous--therefore mocking me. That very first message became so popular that she does it for me every year. I know not to answer my phone on my birthday, because she cannot sing it if it's not a voicemail--she'll laugh too hard. It's the little things that make it worth while!
I share the same birthday as Frank Sinatra. I would like to attribute my talent to him--so thanks Mr. Oh-so-wonderful-jazz-musician. :)
The only not-so-great thing about my birthday being 13 days before Christmas is that when people give me gifts, they're combined with Christmas presents. (that sounds incredibly selfish, but it used to be a big deal). My sister has a birthday in September...I don't give her a joint present because that's just dumb. I never got a pool party, so give me a present for both, even if it's just a pencil. Something to acknowledge that I was born the same month as Jesus Christ. :-)
I'm really not that greedy, haha. Take that as you will.
Kathryn comes home in 54 days. That may seem creepy that I'm counting the days, but you don't understand. I saw Kathryn on a very frequent basis and these last three months have been incredibly difficult without her. I remember when she dropped me off at the airport and I was about to go to my gate and I lost it. I know I can call her any time and she'll be back and I can visit..but, it's not the same. I drive by her old subdivision and I almost always break down crying. She's my person. Boyfriends can come and go and normal friends are nice, but she's the one person I know I can tell everything to and she still wants to be around. When she comes back, we're going to see Les Miz!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO. Sorry, I'm really excited.
We always give each other the funniest gifts at Christmas. She knows I love Jesus, so she always buys me "Christian gifts" and is so proud when I love them. I always get her something with penguins, because she is obsessed with them. I wish I could give her tabogganning lessons for Christmas this year. Needless to say, I'm extremely excited for her to come home for like a week. :D
That brings us to my second favorite holiday. CHRISTMAS!
This holiday is very sentimental for me. I love church. It doesn't matter which church I go to for the annual Christmas Eve service, it's the fact that I can go anywhere and the same message is being preached. I love hearing about the birth of Christ, it's a beautiful story. I cry every time I hear it.
Also, every Christmas Eve, my mom, my sister and her husband (now my nephew :D) go to my house and open ONE present before bed. It's one of those traditions that you don't really know why you do it, but would be sad if you didn't. When we were kids, we could only pick the smallest present. Now, it doesn't matter because we're adults.
My favorite thing about Christmas (other than Jesus being born) is that feeling when you wake up and you rush out of bed and you're thinking "Oh my gosh, it's Christmas!"
I think of the scene from the original Yours, Mine and Ours when Philip runs through the house yelling "Santa Claus's been here." It's just exciting.
Even when Christmas isn't as "big" as normal, my family has a way of just being together and that being enough. That's my greatest joy.
Family.
People must think I'm strange. I see my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) more than twice a year. More like a million times a year. I can't even begin to think of how awful it would be to have to live more than thirty minutes away to see someone I love. I know people do it all the time and all, but, I love my family. When I was growing up and my single mother worked all the time to provide, the family just kind of came together and took care of us. It's not because they had to, it's because we're family, it's a natural reflex.
I'm so excited for the next couple of months because I get to see my entire family all together. I have incredibly blessed with the family I was given.
Even though I've faced many terrible experiences, the love of my family and of my God keeps me going constantly. I was given a perfect picture of love. We as a family are not perfect, but the imperfections make my life as close as it could be.
Let's end this year on a good note y'all :D
Get ready for the Christmas decorations and crazy shoppers...AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE RADIO!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Cancer
In the last year, too many people that I love have passed due to cancer. In September alone, I lost two very dear family members because of this disease. Cancer is everywhere and it is striking whoever and wherever it wants. To say that I'm frustrated is an understatement.
On November 5th, we will be remembering a beloved man, Randy Clinton. He was such a blessing to me and my family. He was only in my life for ten years, but for those ten years, memories were created that I will never forget. From the bright yellow shirt that he wore to his bug eyed face that he made, he will never be forgotten. One post in my blog is not enough to contribute to this man. His love for life and for people, but mostly for God was incredibly inspiring. The way he loved me even though I wasn't his own gave me hope. I was a witness of what a real man, a good man, was. I miss something different about him almost every day, but I feel him in my heart.
One thing that Randy said during his battle with cancer was that if God's purpose for his life had already been fulfilled, then he was ready to be with God-to go home. That's something I have not yet been able to grasp. It makes sense, of course, but I'm a selfish woman. I don't like letting go, I don't like saying goodbye. I hate the fact that I put up so much resistance when he started dating my mother. I hate the fact that it took me so long to see how good of a man he really was. I love the fact that he never stopped caring about me or loving me, even when I didn't want it, when I was trying to be a hardass.
I had never seen my mother happier, even when they were irritated with each other, it was always better than the memories of her without Randy. He brought out the best in her, and the most humorous version of her. She became a different person to me. I was finally able to really see the blessings bestowed upon me. For once in my life, she finally got to be just the mother, not the father too. I remember the day they got married--it was a very scary day for me. I grew up without a father figure, really, and I didn't want to admit that I needed one. We were always giving each other a hard time, but, he was everything I never had but always wanted. What I always needed.
It's a weird feeling to think he's been gone for an entire year. I can't wait until we meet again.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover
We've all heard this a million times, "It's not what's on the outside that matters." I've never truly paid attention to that phrase until recently. Sure, we all do it. We people watch. Why else do you think People of Walmart is such a great success? Instant judgement at the ready. I had gotten into the habit of simply looking at other people and ruling them out as ugly, losers, too pretty, d-bag, etc.
It's a terrible habit. But, we all do it.
Whether or not you're aware of it, you judge people the instant you see them.
Why?
We are insecure about ourselves.
BINGO.
I went out with a few people last night and I really realized how often I make assumptions about people--their motives, looks, attitudes, etc. I took a step back and decided to really try not to assume things about other people. I took myself out of the driver's seat, I gave up my control. It was awesome. When you let your guard down, you really do benefit, for the most part. You allow other people to get to know you and it's a beautiful thing. That sounds really corny, but, life is too short to have a personal vendetta against the world.
A friend of mine sent me a text that I really needed to read:
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."
It's a terrible habit. But, we all do it.
Whether or not you're aware of it, you judge people the instant you see them.
Why?
We are insecure about ourselves.
BINGO.
I went out with a few people last night and I really realized how often I make assumptions about people--their motives, looks, attitudes, etc. I took a step back and decided to really try not to assume things about other people. I took myself out of the driver's seat, I gave up my control. It was awesome. When you let your guard down, you really do benefit, for the most part. You allow other people to get to know you and it's a beautiful thing. That sounds really corny, but, life is too short to have a personal vendetta against the world.
A friend of mine sent me a text that I really needed to read:
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."
Woah. Those are the most powerful words I've heard in a long time. I get angry because I have never received apologies for what people have said or done to hurt me, but I'm not hurting them by holding a grudge, I'm hurting myself. It's not an easy thing to just get over those things, but, it's okay to be down in the slumps sometimes, rather than just being angry all the time.
Like I've said many times before, no one is perfect. That's a really hard concept to grasp. When you look in the mirror and critique yourself, hatred comes out in its purest form. It's easy to pull yourself apart. But, when others complain that their clothes are too tight, you pull ever beautiful compliment you can muster up from the depth of your heart. Why is it so much easier to compliment others, when you deserve the compliments as well?
I have a goal on my 101/1001 list to make a list of 20 things I like about myself and post them on my mirror so I can see them every day when getting ready. I'm addicted to colorful pens and sticky notes, so I'm going to attack that task tomorrow. Maybe, if you read and repeat something every day, you'll really start believing it. I will let you know how that works out for me!
The risk of letting your guard down is worth it for the few good outcomes that may happen. If you get knocked down, just get back up again.
It's worth making mistakes to better your life. Mistakes only happen once, if they happen frequently, they're choices. You know what is good for you and what is not good for you. You can't control everything. So, let someone else take control/lead for a change.
Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.
So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/pink-perfect-lyrics.html ]
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.
So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/pink-perfect-lyrics.html ]
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than, less than' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)